On The Verge
by WhyCantIBeTara
Summary: I'm using the same character (Jax's daughter Sydney) from my other story but in a different way. Starts in season one and goes on from there but with flashbacks of Jax & Tara as teens. I'm going to follow Kurt Sutter's brilliant story-line but add in my own ideas/characters as well obviously. Better description in my first post - please check it out! Disclaimer: I don't own SOA.
1. Introduction

Hello readers, and welcome to my new story _On The Verge_! My other story _Teenage Life in The Charter of Charming_ is going to be on hold for now. If you read that story THANK YOU SO MUCH and sorry in advance for leaving you hanging for a bit. I started that story almost 18 months ago and sometimes find it difficult to keep it going due to how my writing has changed over the extended period of time - I'd like to think it's improved which is part of the reason I would like to start fresh. I plan to do my best on keeping this story updated - I have so many ideas I'd like to share with you guys. I've read so many books and fanfics, and English was my favorite subject throughout school so I've really been trying to improve my writing style/abilities by paying close attention while reading and doing my best to make mental notes. I believe I learn something new every day!

At 31 years old, Jax has a daughter who is already 12 and not from Tara. I will explain in my story with conversations and flashbacks. Sydney is a very beautiful girl who is soft-spoken at school but loud and outgoing at home and around family (including the club - they're her uncles of course!). I just really enjoy the thought of Jax raising a family - especially a girl. He would be an amazing father to a daughter - a little overprotective, don't you think? _A little_ is most definitely an understatement. I would have been so happy if one of the boys would have been a girl, but maybe that's just me!

Jax is nervous about Abel's arrival. Yes, he's been through this before with Sydney and he was only 17 when she was born which was, until now, the scariest part of his life. But this is different - Abel is at a greater risk to the family curse due to Wendy doing heroin. Plus, what happens when Jax runs into someone, not just _anyone_ , who leaves his head spinning and his heart beating out of his chest?

And from then on? Raising a weak baby and a soon-to-be teenage girl on his own? Or at least that's what he thinks is going to be the case.. ;)

 **Rated M for language, violence and crime, and descriptive sex scenes**.

I'm super excited to get started on this story!

Thanks again!

\- Ellen.


	2. Chapter 1

_Wow_! Thanks for already reviewing, favoriting, and following! That's exciting to me! You guys rock! :-)

I realized I made a type in the Introduction and a mistake as well that both need some clarifying: Jax was 19 when Sydney was born, not 17. Also, I said Wendy is on heroin which is incorrect, she's on meth! Sorry about that!

* * *

Jackson Teller is riding back into town to the Clubhouse after purchasing cigarettes, a bottle of liquor, and condoms.

Though he and Wendy have been broken up for months now, he's just recently moved back into his mother's and Clay's house to get away from her. Sydney's been staying with them longer than Jax has due to Wendy's constant fits of withdrawal and relapses. He doesn't want his daughter to be around that, especially if he isn't home enough to shield her from it.

Although Jax is super stressed about having another kid, he still plans to get shit-faced tonight and fuck the brains out of some slutty crow-eater - _it's how he copes_. He was nineteen when Tara left and he's yet to find another woman even half as amazing as she was. He settled for Wendy because she was pregnant and knew he'd been setting a horrible example for his daughter beforehand by getting with multiple women but hardly ever being in a stable relationship with any of them. If a man ever treated her the way he's treated some women he swears he would kill the sorry bastard. But, and he'll admit to it, marrying a crank-whore wasn't setting the best example for his soon-to-be teenage daughter either.

Jax pulls into the parking lot of the Clubhouse and Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair and parks his bike inside the garage before heading inside, already unscrewing the cap off the bottle of liquor and taking a big swig.

A party is in full swing and the music is loud like always. Just as he is walking in, Gemma and Sydney are walking out. "Shit's getting to be too much for anyone under twenty-one." Gemma says while nodding her head down towards her granddaughter.

"Can't we stay a little longer, gram? Everyone is starting to dance and I want to too!" Sydney pouts. Jax affectionately strokes her cheek with his thumb. "You stayed later last week.. Parties likes this are no place for little girls like you." Knowing her father is right, Sydney sighs.

Gemma clears her throat to get Jax's attention after noticing Sydney staring at the condoms in Jax's hand. Sydney isn't a dumb girl - she knows her father "gets a lot of ass" as her Uncle Opie puts it. Women practically throw themselves at him and she isn't blind to it, but he likes to think she is. Jax shoves the condoms in his back pocket before bending down to hug Sydney, her feet lifting off the ground as he stands back up. "Goodnight, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Sydney wraps her arms around his neck. "Goodnight, daddy. I love you." Jax sets her back down. "I love you too."

Gemma and Sydney leave as Jax walks further into the Clubhouse. "Jackie Boy!" Chibs shouts. "Glad you could join us. A new girl is here tonight. Pretty, young thing.. Givin' the rest of us the cold shoulder. Says she has her eye on you." "Oh really?" Jax asks obviously intrigued. Chibs nods while grinning and clapping Jax on the back. "Aye."

Bobby jumps in with a shrug. "Yeah, she wants a shot with the Prince of Charming." Grinning, Jax flips him off. "Well, point her my way."

"I'm right here." The young woman approaches him with a flirtatious smirk. "Hello, darlin', what's your name?" Jax asks seductively while kissing her hand. "Ima." She tells him while grabbing the bottle in his hand and taking a drink. "And what can I do for you?" He asks her as innocently as he can manage. "I'm a porn star and I _love_ my job." Jax raises his eyebrows while wearing a goofy, boyish grin. Ima winks before taking another sip of his liquor.

After finishing off the bottle and even more alcohol that was sitting around the bar area, Jax is being lead back to his dorm/bedroom by a very intoxicated Ima. She pushes Jax onto his bed before climbing on top of him and unbuckling his belt. It takes them a little longer to get each other's clothes off due to all the alcohol in their systems, but it doesn't take Ima long to put his cock in her mouth. The blowjob is short lived for someone who claims to be a porn star, but Jax doesn't care at this point - she seems to want to do all the work and he's definitely okay with that. He leans over the bed towards the floor and reaches into the back pocket of his jeans for the condoms. _Countless number of women, one face_.

Jax wakes up to the sound of Ima puking in the bathroom. He slips on his boxers as she exits the bathroom completely nude. "Last night was fun." She says while bending over to retrieve her thong, purposely putting her ass towards him. "We should do it again sometime." Jax doesn't want to be where he was before he ended up with Wendy, so he doesn't agree to her suggestion, but admits he did have a good time. "I enjoyed myself." He winks.

Showered and dressed in clean clothes, Jax walks past a bunch of passed out people and a few who are awake, clearly hungover and miserable. He hops on his bike and rides "home."

Jax enters the house and greets Clay and Gemma who are sitting at the long dining room table. "Morning, baby. How was last night? Nail a tart?" Gemma asks with humor and making Clay laugh. "I guess you could say that. Is Syd still asleep?"

"Nope." Sydney replies while entering the room, her dark, damp hair curling as it air-dries. Jax smiles at her and she smiles back. Jax can't help but stare at her in awe sometimes. She's so beautiful, sweet, funny, smart, loving - to Jax, the list just goes on. Whenever he feels like shit just isn't going right, he looks at his daughter and feels better; after all, she is what he lives for. Jax doesn't clearly remember what _home_ feels like, but he knows she's the closest thing to it.

"Sleep okay?" He asks her after pulling her into his side for a quick hug. "Yes. Did you? _Did you even sleep?_ " She interrogates. Jax laughs at her ridiculous question. "Of course I slept, baby.. I need my beauty sleep." He jokes, getting her to giggle.

"Have you talked to Wendy lately?" Gemma asks after she's showered, dressed, and done-up. "I did yesterday. She texted me saying she misses me and wants me back. Same-old, same-old. Have you?" Gemma shakes her head. "I think I'm going to check on her though. Just drop by.."

Clay enters the room again as he's slipping on his kutte and kisses Gemma. "I'm heading out.. Club business. We have Church in an hour, Jax." Jax nods. "See you there."

"Bye, papa." Sydney smiles. "Bye, princess. See you tonight." He says while kissing her head. Though Clay doesn't always get along with her father, he's been around since the day Sydney was born and they adore each other. Sydney doesn't truly know how ruthless Clay can be, but why should she? She doesn't need to know about the crime and violence her grandfather's MC is involved in. Jax would have a fit, but she knows more than she lets on.

Jax sits on the couch as Sydney wanders off down the hallway. Gemma turned Jax's old bedroom into a guest room a long time ago and that is where Sydney has been sleeping. Jax either comes home really late and sleeps on the couch because he doesn't want to wake Sydney by laying down next to her or stays at the Clubhouse. She occasionally stays there with him if there isn't a party going on.

Jax leans his head back and closes his eyes. He knows he should go see how Wendy is doing - she is carrying his baby after all. He just hates to be around her because she is drug-sick and clingy, always wanting to get close to him and make-up. _Not going to happen_. He turns his head as the cushion next to him sinks. Sydney leans into him with a sigh. "You seem down, dad." Setting his hand on her leg, Jax gives it a squeeze. "I love ya, kid."

Just as Jax is heading towards the door with Sydney on his tail, Gemma calls him. "Jax. I called 911 because Wendy was unresponsive. I'm heading to the hospital now and I want you to meet me there. I'm going to call Clay for you, just come out as soon as you can." Jax shoves his phone into his pocket. "Goddammit! C'mon, Syd. We gotta move it." Jax gives her his helmet before they ride over to St. Thomas.

Jax and Sydney rush inside and spot Gemma at one of the front desks. Hugging Jax, Gemma goes off. "I found her in her house passed the fuck out. The EMTs said she hadn't been like that for very long, but still! How could she do this? What kind of mother would ever poison her baby like that? Jesus Christ!" Just then, a doctor approaches the three of them. "Are you the father?" He asks looking at Jax while holding his hand out. Jax nods, shaking his hand. "I'm Doctor Lang. Wendy is going into early labor as we speak.. we will keep you updated. I'll have you know, we have a new neonatal surgeon and specialist on our team who is amazing. I'm not making any promises, of course, but she really knows what she's doing. Her name is Doctor Knowles." Doctor Lang finishes as he points in the direction of a dark haired woman who is having what looks to be a serious conversation with another surgeon.

Gemma's draw drops and Jax's breath hitches in his throat. He finally manages to thank Doctor Lang but is speechless other than that. He just stares at Tara in disbelief, his heart beating a bruise into his rib cage. Sydney looks back and forth between Jax and Gemma and then at Tara, clearly confused. Tara glances over at them and notices they are all staring at her. Feeling extremely awkward, she does her best to smile at them but seeing Jax after all this time is nerve-wracking. She notices Gemma's glare but that doesn't surprise her. And the young girl standing close to Jax's side? _That must be Sydney.. I've always wondered what she looks like.. someone's gonna be a heartbreaker - just like her father._


	3. Chapter 2

Woo, more people are following! Thanks a bunch and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. :) Feel free to leave suggestions if you have any; I'd love to know what you guys are thinking!

* * *

Sydney continues to look at Tara even after Jax and Gemma have forced themselves to stop staring. Jax has gone mute and is staring at the floor completely expressionless and Sydney is starting to put two and two together. "Knowles" definitely rang a bell as soon as Dr. Lang said it, and she comes to the conclusion, and she is _damn sure_ , that is the woman who left her father when they were both nineteen - not too long after she (Sydney) was born. Sydney's stomach churns as she finally makes her way over to where her father and grandmother are sitting.

Clay and the rest of the MC enter through the two large, white swinging doors and spot Jax, Gemma, and Sydney. "Any news?" Clay asks as Gemma stands and accepts his comforting embrace and kiss on the forehead. "Premature labor.." Gemma says as her eyes fill with sad, nervous tears. "Thank you all for being here for us, Jax especially." Gemma locks eyes with Jax and sees how frightened and worried he is and she figures seeing Tara had to of made things worse - it's a horrible time for him to be distracted by anything. Sydney looks like she might burst into tears at any moment which makes it difficult for Gemma to hold herself together, but she of course does. She knows how strong her family needs her to be.

It's only been seventeen minutes since the club arrived but to Jax it's felt like hours. He looks up just as Dr. Lang is approaching them and immediately stands up. "How is he?" Jax asks. Dr. Lang looks at him with sympathy. "Your son has been born ten weeks premature and there are some life-threatening concerns. Due to Wendy's drug abuse, Abel has a tear in his abdomen. He also has a genetic heart defect. Together these are near-fatal and give him what looks like a 20% chance of living. Dr. Knowles insists on operating immediately because waiting won't do any good - he will only grow weaker. We just need your approval - Wendy isn't in the right state of mind to discuss this with." Jax takes a shaky breath before responding. "Yes, of course. Do what you think is best. Thank you, Dr. Lang."

Jax takes another deep breath to help clan his nerves before turning around to face his family. He sees that Clay is rubbing Gemma's back as she silently cries into his shoulder. All his brothers seem to be holding their breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Opie is the one who approaches Jax and gives him a tight hug. After pulling away, his gaze shifts to his daughter whom is looking back at him, her tears threatening to fall; one blink and they roll down her cheeks. She runs into Jax's open arms.

* * *

After three excruciatingly long hours of waiting, Tara is the one who finally emerges from a set of doors and starts walking towards the silent group. Jax thinks his heart might beat right out of his chest. Twelve years and she's still beautiful as ever.

 _Jax and Tara have gone to school together ever since they were little kids, but haven't really spoken to each other - they are in completely different crowds and don't, at a glance, have much of anything in common._

 _"Mr. Teller," Mrs. Burdue says in a tired, nasal-sounding voice. "You aren't getting out of this book quiz by sleeping." Jax slowly lifts his head and looks around the room before locking eyes with the annoying woman standing in the front of the classroom. "Book quiz? What book?" The class erupts into snickers before Mrs. Burdue silences it. "Very funny, Jackson."_

 _Jax passes the rest of the quizzes over his shoulder before digging around in his pockets for a pencil. Jax never comes to school prepared and he definitely **won't** be seen carrying any type of bag around with him. After spending a minute or so trying to find the pencil he knows he must have forgotten, someone sets something on the edge of his desk without a word. He stares at it for a few seconds before turning to look at the girl next to him. **T**_ _ **ara Knowles - brainiac and daughter of the town drunk**. Most girls claim they would __**just die** if Jax Teller, the Prince of Charming, acknowledged their existence let alone knew their name, even if it's just to thank them for something as minor as giving him a pencil, **but not Tara**. "Thanks, Knowles." She just smiles in response. "Quiet, Jackson." Mrs. Burdue hisses. Jax flips her off after she looks back down at the work on her desk and Tara can't help but let out a quiet giggle._

 _"Something funny, Miss Knowles? I must admit I'm surprised." Tara shakes her head before looking back down at her quiz, trying her best not to even smile at this point. At the same time both Jax and Tara glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes. Tara unsuccessfully swallows her giggle and ends up making a funny noise instead and Jax can't help but laugh. "Detention! Mr. Teller and Miss Knowles, see me after class to discuss this."_

Jax almost smiles as he remembers how angry she was about getting her very first detention but is unable to as he is brought back to reality when Tara stops in front of him. "Jax, Clay, Gemma.." she nods at them and then at the rest of the guys, her gaze hanging on Sydney a little longer than the rest. "The surgery went very well, and we are all pleasantly surprised.. he won't be able to come home any time soon because he needs a lot of special care to help him heal properly and grow stronger, but the point is that the chances of him coming home are much higher than they were three hours ago."

Everyone lets out sighs of relief after hearing the great news. "Thanks, Doc.. We're very thankful." Clay says and Tara smiles warmly. Though still very bitter and angry with Tara, Gemma nods in agreement. "Any idea how long he has to stay here?" Jax asks finally finding his voice. "Weeks for sure, but we'll have to monitor him and decide depending on how quickly or slowly he progresses."

Sydney can't help herself. "Can we see him?" Tara smiles sadly. "You can through the big, glass window starting tomorrow but I'm afraid that's about it for now. We need to keep as many germs away from him as we can." The disappointment on Sydney's face makes Tara feel really sorry for her. "Is he your little brother?" Tara asks before she can stop herself. Sydney nods with a proud smile as she leans into Jax's side.

Clay and his club give Jax their signature half handshake-half hug before leaving the hospital. Gemma has a feeling that Jax wants to stick around until Tara is available to talk and it makes her angry. Yes, she just saved her grandson's life but she's afraid she may have ruined Jax's all over again. She wants to know why Tara is always messing with Jax's head when he has something extremely important to focus on - _his kids._

"You can go home if you want, mom. I don't think there is too much more they can tell us for now. I will let you know if I hear anything else." Jax says while hugging her. "You should come home too, baby." Gemma suggests a little too aggressively which makes Sydney pick at her nails to look distracted and hide how awkward she feels. "No, I think I'm gonna hang around a little bit longer.. go on, take Sydney with you." Jax replies hastily. "Jackso-" Gemma starts but is cut off. "Mom, please. I need to do this. I'll be home in a little while, I promise." Jax says firmly, letting her know it's the end of the discussion.

* * *

Jax waits another forty-five minutes before he sees Tara again. Seeing that he is the only one left waiting around, she makes her way over. "I'm really sorry about all you're going through." Tara starts. "I really wish you the best.. I was just informed that your son is named Abel, but I'm assuming you already knew that? He's quite the little trooper - I will do whatever I can to help him and you as well." Jax nods and tries to smile. "Thank you.. Mind if I ask you something?" Tara hesitates but gives in. "Sure. Just let me finish my rounds and I'll be right back, okay?"

Tara and Jax are walking out of St. Thomas in silence until Jax works up the courage to speak. "How long have you been back? And why are you here? This job?" Tara sighs and nods. "Mainly because of the job. I had no choice - of all the places in the world and this is where I end up." She laughs bitterly. "I've been back for a couple weeks now. Look, Jax, I wante-" She starts but Jax butts in. "You didn't think to stop by and let me know you were back? The past few hours have been fucking torture, Tara, and not to mention the past twelve years? You've made me fucking crazy." Taken back and slightly offended, Tara glares at him. "I'm just doing my job, Jackson.. I didn't come back to Charming by choice. Sorry my presence bothers you." She says while walking a little faster to her car to get ahead of him.

"You left with a hasty goodbye after everything we had been through. You didn't think I deserved a little more than that?" Now pretty angry, Tara stops dead in her tracks. "Do you think I deserved to hang around heartbroken after you managed to knock up another girl during the THREE fucking days we were broken up? I needed to do what was best for myself and raising someone else's baby wasn't it. It looks like you've done a great job with her, but that wasn't what I wanted. I moved to Chicago to make something of myself and that's exactly what I did Jackson. Why can't you accept that and at least pretend to be happy for me?"

"We've been through this before - we weren't even together when I fucked Ashton and she meant _nothing_ to me. I was upset and needed to get you off my mind and, for the record, it didn't work. All I could think about was _you._ It's always been you and it always will be, Tara!" Jax shouts. He continues in a quieter voice after managing to calm down a little. "I made a mistake but that mistake gave me Sydney and I don't regret it at all because of her. She's the only reason I wanted to wake up in the morning these past twelve years. She helped me through missing you, Tara."

Tara's eyes fill with tears but she refuses to back down. "It wasn't easy for me either, Jax. You were there for me when I needed someone and the only person who could make me feel better. And, at one point, Gemma was like a mother to me - you know how much I needed that. I was just so hurt and betrayed when you went off and slept with another girl.. I thought you were mine; I was eighteen at the time and so naive. But I needed you too, Jax. You weren't the only one having to live without the one they love due to me leaving."

Jax is surprised by her confession. "Then why did you leave if you needed me so much?" Tara is unable to hold back the tears that keep rolling down her cheeks as she just stares at him. "I'm sorry, Jax. I can't do this right now - I need to go." She says before heading over to her car. Jax stands there and helplessly watches her go, reliving the nightmare of her leaving all over again.

* * *

I put the flashback in italics but then wanted to emphasize on certain words so I put those in bold. Thanks so much for following, favoriting, and reviewing! I'm so pleased!


	4. Chapter 3

Tara couldn't help it - she cried the entire ride home and even after she had gone inside and showered. She is now curled up on the couch trying to watch some bullshit lifetime movie but all she can think about is Jax and how broken he looked even after all these years.

Tara tries not to think about how incredibly attractive he is. She knows he'll always be one good lookin' man and isn't the only one to think so. Girls have always had their eyes on Jax and it used to drive Tara insane when they were younger.

 _Jax and Tara weren't much for crazy parties with a bunch of strangers. Well, **Tara wasn't** so Jax stopped going to them when they got together. They decided to go to this one in particular though because Donna wanted them to tag along and wouldn't stop pestering them._

 _"Oh, c'mon, guys! We never do things like this.. Let's just go to this one party and if we don't like it we'll split!" Donna begs. Jax is quick to respond. "Why though? We can do everything that will go on there right **here** in Ope's basement.. Drink, smoke, fuck. That's all parties are." __Donna glares at him. "You used to be the one dragging us to the parties! Please, I just want to check it out!" Opie sighs in frustration. "Fine, we'll check it out. But this better not be about Pam Gregory because I know she will be there. I told you she stopped talking to me."_

 _"This isn't about that bitch, Ope. In all honesty, Tori Sanders' house is **huge** and has an in-ground pool and I haven't been swimming in so long.. Besides, I think I scared Pam away for good now and if not I'll whoop her whore ass." Donna grins, making them all laugh. Tara butts in. "Yeah, sure. I'm in if the guys are in. It's just one party. Plus, we get to **drink for free**." Donna almost squeals._

 _The four of them arrive while the party is in full swing, half the kids already trashed. They all head to the keg before Donna strips down to her bikini and jumps in. "Come on in, babe!" She pleads. Opie just looks at her while shaking his head with a grin. "Not gonna happen."_

 _Jax doesn't drink much because he has to drive and Opie doesn't drink much because he wants to wait until he gets back home. It's only been 45 minutes and Donna's already had plenty to drink including some shots and is definitely pretty buzzed. Tara is a little buzzed but not wobbly like Donna, and she and Jax both laugh as she (Donna) chugs another cup while running away from Opie as he tries to take it from her. "I think you've had enough for one night.. Are you ready to leave? At least but your clothes back on." Donna shakes her head. "I have to pee! Then we can leave, you party pooper."_ _Tara and Donna wander into the house to find a bathroom as Opie and Jax wait outside. "We need to get out of here.. You know how Donna can get after shots of Tequila. Jax laughs and brings up the time she flashed them all numerous times and almost cried the next morning when they told her about it. Opie slugs him in the arm._

 _Pam Gregory approaches them in a very skimpy bikini. "Hey, boys. Where are your **old ladies**?" She sneers. "Actually, never mind that. So Jax, you and Tara have been together longer than I would have expected. It's been over a year hasn't it? Never thought you'd end up with the smartest girl in our class.. You should hit me up when you're done tapping someone so **bland** and want someone who can really **rock your world**." She winks seductively while leaning in close._

 _Before Jax even has the chance to tell her to fuck off and get lost, someone taps Pam on the shoulder. " **Oh** , look who-" She is cut off by Tara's fist connecting with her face. Donna gasps. "Fuck yeah, Tara!" Tara shakes her hand out while wincing in pain. "Consider this your warning, you fuckin' slut!" _

_Jax and Opie grab their girl friends and hurry out to Jax's pick-up truck. Donna and Tara sit in the tiny seats in the back while Opie sits up front, clearly too tall to even consider sitting back there. "That was fucking awesome, Tara!" Donna exclaims. "Yeah.. I guess it was pretty cool.." Tara admits, trying to be modest. Other than that she stays pretty quiet. "It was sexy, babe." Jax tells her while winking at her in his rear-view mirror._

Tara smiles and cries at the memory. It was the first time she had ever punched someone in the face like that and the start of her " _bad-ass phase."_ She didn't make a habit of it, but she realized she wasn't afraid to do it if she thought it was necessary. That's what actually made her feel somewhat like an _old lady_ but what Pam said kept ringing in Tara's seventeen-year-old head. She feared she wasn't right for Jax and cried to him about it that night in Opie's basement after the other two had gone upstairs to have some _alone time_.

 _"Is Pam right? Am I too bland for you? Do I not rock your world?" She sniffles. Jax shakes his head and sighs, hating to see her sad about something so far from the truth. He opens his mouth to tell her to stop being ridiculous but she beats him to the chase. "You know what, **fuck her**! I **do** rock your fucking world!" She spits angrily. Not even five minutes later Tara was furiously riding Jax - her **favorite** way to let out all her frustration. "How's this for rocking your world?" She asks breathlessly while rocking back and forth, up and down, moaning each time he thrust his hips to meet hers as she came back down. Jax, clearly in **pure bliss** , just groans her name in response._

Tara was so mad about that night but from then on out the jealous girls didn't matter to her anymore nor did they get under her skin; Jax didn't pay them any attention because Tara was the only girl he wanted. She knows that hasn't changed about him and wishes things could have worked out for them or at least ended on a happier note - not abruptly and earth-shattering.

Jax wasn't very talkative when he got back to his mom's. He used the rest room and brushed his teeth before heading to the guest room. He changed his shirt and slid on some plaid pajama pants before walking out to the living room to tell Sydney goodnight. "I'm going to bed, kid. Give me a hug." Sydney, curled up into a ball with her face buried into a book, looks at the clock on the wall. Not wanting to bug him or press him for information, she just stands up and wraps her arms around him. "Goodnight, daddy. Do you want me to stay out here tonight?" Jax shakes his head. "No, honey. Come lay with me when you get tired." He bends down to kiss her head. "I love you. Goodnight."

Jax disappears down the hallway and Sydney gets up to talk to Gemma. "He went to bed already, Grandma.. that's weird." Gemma sighs. "Well, he's had a rough day, baby. Abel's premature birth and health concerns and Tara being back in town must have fucked with his head." Sydney frowns. "Tell me about her. Please?" "What do you wanna know? You've heard a lot about her already, Syd.." Sydney exhales while closing her eyes. "Tell me good things! I haven't heard too many positive things about her and I know she can't be some evil witch if dad was so in love with her." Gemma smirks. "She flipped his life upside down when she left.. but she made your father so happy, honey. They got together not too much longer after John died. She helped him through that and he helped her through losing her father as well. Abusive, drunk bastard he was. Tara stayed here with us more than at her own home so when she left I was a little offended.. I treated her like one of my own. But, you'll have to ask your father if you want more details."

After thanking and hugging Gemma, Sydney finds Clay to hug him goodnight. She brushes her teeth before heading to the bedroom and notices Jax hasn't turned the light off yet. She knocks on the door to be safe. "You can come in." Sydney opens the door and gasps at the site of Jax smoking a cigarette in the room she scrubbed down and cleaned from top to bottom. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at him. "What?" He asks clueless. Without responding, she takes the cigarette that's between his fingers and stubs it out on the ash tray that is now sitting on the nightstand. "Oh, _shit_! Look, Syd, I'm sorry." He gets up and opens the window and turns the ceiling fan on as she takes the ash tray and puts it back in the living room.

"That ash tray wasn't in here when you went to bed because Papa was using it in the living room.. when did you get it?" Jax runs his fingers through his long, blond hair. "About ten minutes ago." Sydney's eyes widen, knowing he must of heard her and Gemma talking. "Yeah, you're busted." He jokes, _trying_ to grin. "I'm sorry, daddy... I thought you were going to sleep!" Jax snorts. "I couldn't right now even if I tried. You can go to sleep though, baby. I'll go sit in the living room." Sydney grabs his hand as he stands, making him look down at her. "No, please stay here. I'm not tired yet. Will you talk to me?" Jax sighs, knowing where this is going. "Ask away."

"When did you meet her and how did you get together?" Sydney asks curiously. "We were in the same grade ever since we were little kids. I always knew who she was but we never spoke to each other. It wasn't until high school that I actually took notice of her. We both ended up with detention in one of our classes and we talked the entire half hour. I even gave her a ride home after that because she didn't have a car or even a license and her drunk father didn't give a shit. From then on, we would talk before before and after classes and in the hallways before I finally decided to ask her out." Sydney, being the typical girl, smiles wide. "Oh, daddy, that's so cute! Who would've guessed you were actually sweet!" Jax looks at her through narrowed eyes before cracking a smile.

"So then what?" Sydney asks intrigued. "I asked her what she wanted to do and she told me that she wants to do what I normally do on Friday nights.. so we went to a party - her first party. People were so surprised to see us together and kept bothering us about it so we left. We came back here and sat outside on the patio until 3AM. Then we-" Sydney puts her hand up to stop him. "This isn't already going where I think it is, is it?" Jax laughs. "No, it's not. I'll definitely spare you any details like that." Sydney sighs in relief and makes Jax laugh once more. "We started hanging out a few times a week and I asked her to be my girlfriend. We were both sixteen and had many ups and downs. Two years later, we got in a huge fight that resulted in us breaking up for a few days.. which also resulted in you. We got back together but she was so upset and angry with me for getting with another girl - things were never the same after that."

Sydney takes in what Jax has just told her and bites her lip to keep it from quivering. "What are you thinking?" Jax asks while tucking the hair that is falling in her face behind her ear. Sydney smiles but keeps quiet, not wanting her voice to crack. "Sydney, c'mon on." Jax pushes. "It's okay, you can tell me." Sydney opens her mouth to speak but her throat tightens up and immediately silences her, tears rolling down her cheeks when she blinks. Jax lovingly puts an arm around her and rubs her back and waits for her to say something. "I'm sorry." She sniffles. "For what, baby?" He asks her with concern. "I'm sorry Tara left and that you're still in love with her. It makes me upset, dad. I want you to be happy." Sydney cries. Jax sighs and closes his eyes in an attempt to ignore the pain in his chest but continues to listen to his daughter. "You made a mistake - _a big one_ \- and it really hurt her. But I think it maybe could have worked out if.. if.." Sydney doesn't say it, but Jax knows _exactly_ what she is referring to.

"Don't you _dare_ think that way. Tara wasn't accustomed to the "club life" and we both knew it. I'm pretty sure she would have ended up leaving anyway. I don't regret keeping you, Sydney. Don't ever think that, you hear me?" Jax commands as her cups her chin and gently pulls it up so their eyes meet. "You saved me. You gave me a reason to wake up in the morning and I love you so much, Syd." Sydney cries as she holds her hand palm-out to him like she always did when she was little. Smiling, Jax presses his big hand against her little one before pulling her into him for a hug. "I think that's enough for tonight.. you should get some sleep, okay?"

Sydney falls asleep quickly in the arms of her father and Jax is able to relax knowing she is safe and close, no longer in tears. "Sweet dreams." He whispers before falling asleep as well.

Tara tossed and turned all night, dreaming of the day she left Jax. She is awake when her alarm goes off and gets up to drink coffee - she knows she is going to need it. She is going to be with Abel all day and knows she is going to run into at least _someone_ who wants to see him. Her mind wanders to Sydney as she ties her shoes. She looks a lot like Jax with a splash of Ashton, including the darker, curly hair. Tara wonders what she's like. Hard-headed and stubborn like Jax? She hopes she doesn't act like her mother.

Tara does her rounds before checking on Abel. He's done well over the night and she is very pleased. "Dr. Knowles, how are you? I'm here to tell you that it's been a few hours since his vitals were last checked and that someone sent you flowers. We didn't want to enter your office without your permission so they are at the front desk." Tara thanks Dr. Lang, doing her best to mask her confusion. _Who would have sent me flowers? Hopefully there is a card._

Tara was disappointed when she found out there wasn't a card, but she still put the flowers in her office. It's been 9 hours and she is just now on her late lunch break, deciding to eat in her office. She eats the lunch she packed and does some paperwork before going to check on Abel. He's been in an incubator and will be for a little while longer so she hasn't been able to hold him really. She sees people approach the window in her peripheral vision and looks up. Her breath hitches in her throat at the sight of a very sexy Jax and his beautiful daughter. She smiles, knowing it's the right thing to do and Sydney actually smiles back. She heads for the door.

"How is he?" Jax asks, skipping over a greeting. "He's doing fine - not much improvement but no worse than he was when I left last night." Jax presses his lips into a firm line as he remembers their conversation from last night. Before anyone can say anything else his phone rings. "Excuse me." He says as he walks down the hall to answer it and leaving Sydney and Tara alone. "I know you obviously don't remember me because you were a newborn when I last saw you, but I'm Tara.. I'm sure you've at least heard something." Sydney nods and smiles which makes Tara feel better. "I'm Sydney, but you already know that." "What grade are you going into this year?" "Seventh.. I'm nervous for junior high." Tara smiles, thinking back to those days. "Ahh, don't be. You'll be fine." She reassures her with a smile.

Jax comes back with an annoyed look on his face. "Your grandmother expects us to be at the carnival tonight." Sydney grins. "Only if you promise to buy me a funnel cake!" Jax smiles. "Only if you promise to not bug me all night for game money." Tara can't help but smile at their father-daughter interaction. She can't imagine how protective he must be of her. "Hey, why don't you go get me a pop from the vending machine?" Jax suggests while pulling out his wallet and handing her a five. "Get something for yourself too." He says in response to her glare.

"Wow, Jax.. she's absolutely beautiful." Tara exclaims, making Jax smile genuinely. "Yeah, she is.. thanks." Tara bites her lip with a smile. "I bet you're a helicopter dad." Jax raises his eyebrows with an adorable, mocking smile."Oh, really? I can't imagine why you'd say that." Tara just laughs. "It really shows how much you love her - just the way you _look_ at her.. It's very sweet. But you made her leave so you must have something to say?" Jax takes a deep breath. "I just don't want to fight with you.. I want to be civil for the sake of my children and the club.. do you agree?" Tara feels relieved but there is still a tug in her chest. "Yes, I agree completely, Jax. Thank you."

Sydney returns eating a Take 5 and hands Jax a Coke. "Looks like someone doesn't _really_ want that funnel cake." Jax says before taking a swig. "Oh, yes I do... or game money." She grins while batting her eyelashes. "Thanks for everything, Tara. We'll see you later." Tara nods. "My pleasure." She listens to their conversation as they walk away. "Don't look at me like that, kid. It's not gonna work." Sydney gasps which makes Jax crack up. "Yes it will and you _know_ it. Save it, _softy_." She teases. Jax stops walking for a split second to swing his leg back behind the other one and kick her bottom. She tries to do the same but he dodges it and laughs as she decides to shove him instead.

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Thanks for all the awesome reviews, I truly appreciate it! I get so excited to post another chapter when you guys leave me feedback! This one is a little longer. Do you guys enjoy flashbacks? Note: Suggestions are always welcome. Thanks again, you're all amazing!


	5. Chapter 4

Jax and Sydney pull up next to the other Sons' bikes parked at the carnival. "Come find me when you want that funnel cake. Oh, and turn your volume on high and make sure you answer if I call you, okay?"

"Okay, dad." Sydney says giving him a look. "Hey, I mean it, Sydney. I don't trust carnies. They're fuckin' creepy. Just do as I ask, alright?" Sydney sighs. "Yeah, I know. I will, I promise.. _Soooo_... Game money?" Jax rolls his eyes as he pulls out his wallet. "That's all I'm giving you, you little shit." He grins.

Sydney sees friends from school and runs over to them while Jax looks for Clay and the guys. "Your dad is so hot." Says a girl who will be a freshman in the fall. All the other girls nod in agreement and giggle, including Sydney's closest friend from school, Rachael. Sydney grimaces. "Don't even go there!" Jax spots Tig and Opie by the _Dunk The Carnie_ game. "Let's see what you've got, you _big, baaad_ biker." The carnie taunts. Tig laughs at him. "I usually have good aim." Tig says referring to something else with a smirk. "But you're not my type." Jax and Opie laugh.

Tig almost hits the lever with his second throw. "Close but no cigar. You gotta be better than that!" Bobby then appears out of nowhere and simply presses the lever and then points and laughs. The guys all laugh along with him as the carnie emerges from the tank in a fit of anger. "You looked hot, I was doing you a favor!"

Jax and the guys meet up with Clay, Gemma, and the rest of the Sons. Gemma speaks to them all. "Why exactly are we here?" Jax gives her a look. " _You're_ the one who told me I had to be here." Gemma shrugs. "Only because _I_ have to be here."

Clay clarifies for them. "Oswald has been avoiding us when it comes to talking about what he shouldn't do with his land. I know we can catch him here without him making a seen in the eye of the public." They all nod but Jax is annoyed they didn't discuss it further beforehand.

The Sons go off and get tickets for rides like a bunch of kids while Clay and Gemma head in the opposite direction. "There's the huge stuffed unicorn from last year! I can't believe they still have them!" Rachael shouts while pointing at the ring toss game before pulling Sydney over to it. "There's _no_ way I'm going to win so should I even waste my money?" Sydney asks no one in particular.

"Tell ya' what: I'll let you try one ring for free if you agree to pay for a set afterwards?" Sydney considers his deal before shrugging. "Sure." She takes the ring and tosses it with no such luck. She pulls out two dollars and he hands her three rings and she actually manages to get one to hook around a bottle. She looks at Rachael before pulling out two more dollars. "This is a scam."

Sydney ended up paying for four games. She was so close on her last try but the third ring barely missed the bottle. "Ugh! I suck!" The carnie gives her a creepy grin that she tries to ignore. He unhooks one of the large, pink and purple, sparkly unicorns and hands it to her. "Only because you're a pretty little thing." He says with a wink, making both of the girls uncomfortable.

Sydney, not wanting to be rude and _really_ wanting to keep the unicorn, thanks him with a tiny, forced smile before they walk away. "Ew, what a creep.. you actually look pale!"

"Ugh, my mom is here to pick me up since it's starting to get dark. Walk with me?" They walk out into the parking lot and just as Sydney is waving goodbye to Rachael and her mom Carol, she spots Tara, Donna, Ellie, and Kenny walking in. "Sydney!" The kids shout in unison as they run over to her. "I like your unicorn!" Ellie exclaims. "Thanks! They're at the ring toss."

"Hey, Sydney. How have you been?" Donna asks while hugging her. "I've been good. I miss you guys! Please come see us more often. We would love it." Donna smiles sadly while tucking Sydney's hair behind her ear. "I know, sweetie. I'm sorry. Talk to Uncle Opie about that."

"Looks like you managed to get some game money after all." Tara says, nodding to the unicorn and making Sydney laugh. "I batted my eyelashes the entire walk to his bike after we left the hospital. There was _no way_ he could have resisted." They both laugh. "Mind if I follow you guys around? My friend just left and the others are only interested in how many phone numbers they can get." Donna is the one to respond. "Of course you can, honey."

"So do you live with Wendy?" Tara asks Sydney once Donna walks away to buy the kids ice cream. "No, my dad and I are temporarily living with Clay and Gemma. Dad is hoping to move back into the house we lived in with Wendy when she goes to rehab." Tara nods, once again feeling sorry for the young girl. She wants to ask about Ashton and how often she sees but thinks better of it. After all, they don't even know each other.

They sit down at at picnic table so the kids can eat their ice cream. A clown approaches them and starts juggling and doing tricks which impress Kenny. Sydney recognizes the clown as the carnie from the ring toss but avoids looking up until he finally walks away. Sydney jumps when someone sets a hand on her shoulder. She whips her head around with wide eyes and stares up at the person behind her who is blocking the sun and is happy to see Jax. "Woah, did I scare you?" Sydney exhales. "Yeah, I thought you were that clown. What's up?" Jax frowns as he motions for her to move over so he has room to sit and then turns his head to look at the clown. "Just checking on ya, babe."

"Mom, can we _please_ play a game or get tickets to ride something?" Ellie asks eagerly. "Honey, I just bought you guys ice cream." Donna exclaims. "Oh, come on, Mommy. Please?" Donna sighs. "I can't afford to give you money, sweetheart. It was difficult to even pay for us to get in." Donna flushes, obviously embarrassed. Sydney stands up and pulls out all the tickets she won playing pinball that she was going to use to eventually ride something. "Here, guys. You can have mine." Ellie and Kenny's faces light up as they thank her. "You don't have to do that, Sydney." Donna tells her. "I know, but I want to. I already have this unicorn." Donna smiles gratefully while thanking her. "I'm gonna go find them a game to play real quick.. I'll be back." She tells the three left sitting at the table.

"That was nice of you." Tara says. Sydney smiles sadly. "I just feel bad for them." Jax smiles proudly at his daughter before kissing her head. "Didn't expect to see you here, Doc." He jokes, trying to strike up conversation that isn't strictly about Abel or their past. Tara smirks. "Yeah, me either. Donna got ahold of me and asked if I wanted to go so I thought 'why not?'" Jax nods. "You look more like the Tara I remember.. not wearing scrubs." Sydney, clearly feeling out of place, stands up. "I have to pee.. will you hold my unicorn?" Jax sighs. "Only when you're in the bathroom.. I'm not going to carry this thing around with me." Sydney rolls her eyes. "Personally, I think it will make you look tougher.. intimidating biker carrying around a sparkly unicorn with no shame? C'mon, daddy. Look at the bigger picture."

"She's funny." Tara laughs after she's out of earshot. "She gets it honestly." Jax grins, referring to himself. Tara snorts. "I don't know about that." Jax raises his eyebrows but can't hold in his laugh. "So, how have you been? I mean, really? Everything else aside." Jax asks her curiously. "Uhh.. I've been okay.. lonely but busy. It took a lot out of me to be where I am now but I'm thankful. I love what I do. How about you? _Everything else aside_." Jax doesn't respond right away - he wasn't expecting to answer the question. "Well... I've been busy too. Being a dad and club business.. Not much else I can say." Tara nods, trying to come up with what to say next but her phone saves her. "Sorry." She apologizes before answering. "Hello? ... Who is this? _What do you want?_ " She asks fearfully, forgetting her surroundings. Josh Kohn called to let Tara know he's in town and that she looks beautiful is that navy blue tank top. Josh hangs up and Tara tries to brush it off and not let Jax know she's freaking out but he's not stupid. "Everything okay?" He asks with concern. "Yeah, it's all good. Wrong number." She tries to smile.

It's been twenty-five minutes of casual conversation before Jax and Tara notice that neither Sydney nor Donna and her kids have returned. "Hmm.. maybe they are still playing a game? Wanna go look for them?" Jax nods, standing up. He stares at the unicorn and groans before picking it up, knowing Sydney would be peeved if someone stole it. "I was going to offer to carry it but you just look too adorable." Tara teases. " _Ha-ha_." Jax replies. They continue walking and see Clay on the phone looking pissed. He waves Jax over and Tara follows. "Unser just called me.. Elliott Oswald's daughter has been beaten and raped. She's only thirteen. I want to get all our women and children out of here right now - we don't know who we're dealing with here." Jax's eyes grow dark as he curses under his breath before responding. "Jesus Christ. That fucker deserves to rot."

Jax and Tara search for Sydney while Opie goes to find his wife and kids. "Do you know the girl?" Tara asks trying to keep up with how fast Jax is walking. "She won't answer her phone, dammit! I told her to make sure she answers if I call.. I don't pay a phone bill for this bullshit. And not really. I've seen her a few times around town. Sydney knows her - she's going to be so upset." Jax spots Sydney with a group of kids her age and older. "Don't embarrass her." Tara nudges him as they walk towards the flock of teenagers. Jax grins. "Sydney? We gotta go, kid." Sydney waves goodbye to her friends and walks away with her father and Tara while trying to ignore the fact that they're completely silent now and staring wide-eyed. Tara laughs. "What?" Jax asks obliviously. "My friends, dad. They're weird.." Sydney trails off. "They were practically drooling over you." Tara informs him and Sydney scrunches up her face. "Those little girls? I don't think so." Sydney snorts. "They talk about you all the time.. now what's going on? Why are you walking so fast?" She asks while jogging to catch up with him. "You'd know that if you would have answered your phone like I told you to." He says annoyed. "The cops are going to be here any minute now and make everyone leave. Tristen Oswald was raped and beaten in the woods, Sydney." Sydney gasps and stops walking, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes. Jax holds his hand out to her. "I know, baby, it's awful. I gotta get you guys outta here. Come on."

Clay informs Jax that Gemma went to an old lady's house about thirty minutes away because a fight broke out between a few crow eaters and another old lady. The last thing they want is for the cops to be involved -instead they will fear the wrath of Gemma; Queen of SAMCRO. "Shit.. where should I take Syd then? I don't want her at home alone right now.. hey, don't roll your eyes at me, Sydney. This isn't something to be taken lightly." Jax scolds her. "I know, dad. I'm sorry. I just don't like people having to go out of there way just to worry about me." Tara pipes in. "She can come back to my place and you could pick her up on your way home?" She suggests. Jax smiles gratefully. "Yeah, if you don't mind? That would make me feel a lot better. Thanks." Jax hugs Sydney while kissing her head. "Be good, kid. I'm sorry I'm being a dick but I'm just watching out for you. You know that, right?" Sydney nods before kissing Jax on the cheek. "Thanks again." Jax says as he takes Tara's hand and kisses it affectionately, showing her that he truly is thankful. She knows it was an act of kindness but it still felt like an electric shock to her heart and a tingling sensation between her thighs. _Woah_.

The cops show up after Jax walks the women and children to their vehicles and make the remaining guests leave. SAMCRO stays behind to talk to Unser. "Who did it?" Happy asks literally ready to kill someone. "We aren't sure.. we will need to talk to the girl. I'm sorry boys.. but don't do anything stupid, you hear me?" Unser says before walking away. "Clay?" Oswald approaches, eyes red from crying. "I know I don't always see eye-to-eye with you and your club, but I want to ask a favor. Will you find this bastard for me? I won't be able to sleep ever again knowing he's alive and well, getting away with raping and beating my baby." Clay looks at his club, especially Jax, Opie, Tig, and Chibs - _the ones who have daughters of their own_ \- and knows by the looks on their faces that they agree to help Elliott.

"Do you want anything to drink? I have water, juice, coffee, tea?" Sydney nods. "I'll have some juice, thank you." Tara pours her a glass before sitting down across from her. "So, what do you like to do for fun?" Tara asks her ever so curious. "I love to dance and am on a dance team and attend dance classes. I like to go shopping, read, go to the beach, hang out with my friends and family, and ride on my dad's motorcycle. What about you?" Tara smiles. "Well.. I love reading and shopping as well. I like to help people which is why I chose to become a neonatal surgeon and specialist. I also used to love riding on your dad's motorcycle believe it or not." Sydney's eyes light up. "He would take you for a ride if you ask him." Tara smiles sadly.

"Are you hungry? Your dad just texted me saying it's going to be a little while. I was going to make some pasta if you want any?" Sydney nods. "That sounds good.. can I help make it?" Tara flashes her a pretty smile. "Of course you can.. _that is_ , if you didn't get your cooking skills from your father." She jokes making Sydney laugh. "Yeah, dad isn't the best cook.. but he doesn't really try either." Tara puts a pot of water on the stove to boil while having Sydney cut up the chicken into small pieces. She then gets out peas and the portabella mushrooms she cut earlier. "I suppose I should ask if you like mushrooms? I don't think many kids your age do." Sydney nods her head. "I actually do like them... just don't tell my friends." She grins.

After the noodles are cooked and drained and the sauce, mushrooms, and peas have been warmed up, they mix it all together in a big bowl. They are just waiting on the chicken to be done. "Wow, this smells and looks really good.. I'm excited to eat it. I'm starving!" Tara smiles happily. "Good, I'm glad! Do you normally cook?" Sydney shakes her hand as if to say she kind of does. "I try to. I do now more than I used to since I have been staying at my grandma's house again." Tara nods.

They eat and have casual conversation. "You definitely seem wise beyond your years.. You'll be thirteen on Halloween right?" Sydney looks at her with a surprised expression. "You remember my birthday?" Tara nods. "Yes, I do.. your dad was so nervous. That's what I remember most." Sydney looks down at her hands. "I bet he was.." "He loves you so much, honey." "I know. Thanks." Sydney smiles at her.

There is a knock on the door. "Speaking of the devil." Tara answers the door but no one is there. She looks around for a few seconds before closing the door and locking it. Confused, she retreats back to the kitchen/dining room. "That was weird.. no one was there." Tara tells her. Sydney frowns and looks around her. "That's creepy.. should we call my dad?" Tara grabs her phone off the table and calls Jax. "Hey. I'm walking up to your house right now. Did you hear the bike?" Tara sighs in relief. "No, we didn't actually but we are glad you're here."

Tara unlocks the door for him and then locks it behind him. "What's going on?" He asks them. "There was a knock at the door a minute ago but no one was there.. maybe they saw you and were scared away." Jax turns to open the door. "Well I'll take a look." Sydney steps closer and Tara speaks up. "Please be careful." Jax flashes her a sexy half smile and she feels the muscles in her groin contract. "Always am."

"Well, whoever it was is gone now.." Jax says entering the house again. Tara bites her lip nervously. "Well, how did it go at the fairgrounds?" Running a hand through his hair, Jax sighs. "Well... I can't go into details but I'll just say that things were handled. Tristen was admitted to St. Thomas." Sydney picks at her fingers as she feels her stomach churn. "Who did it? Was it a carnie?" Jax tucks her hair behind her ear. "Yes.. He left an easy trail.. fucking idiot." Tara shakes her head. "Sick bastard.. but are you hungry? Please eat some of the pasta we made so I don't have so much left over." Jax smiles. "Well, when you put it that way."

Another hour manages to pass as they all just sit around and talk. Sydney checks her phone: 2AM already? She tries to stifle a yawn but is unsuccessful. She rests her head on her forearms the same way you do in class and dozes off. Tara and Jax continue to bullshit until she notices Sydney and nods at her. "I think someone needs to be put to bed." Jax smiles but wishes he didn't have to leave. He's enjoyed catching up with her a little. He gently shakes Sydney and she sits up but her head is nodding. "I'm awake."

"It's time to go, baby. You actually need to _wake up_ to ride on the bike." She gets up and walks around in order to stay moving and awake. "Thanks so much for this, Tara. It was fun and I enjoyed myself." Tara smiles gratefully. "It was my pleasure." She walks them to the door and remembers the knocking earlier and doesn't want to be alone tonight. "Are you okay?" Jax asks her. "Yeah, I'm fine. See you at the hospital?" She asks. "Of course.. listen, thanks again for letting her stay with you for a few hours. I and the club appreciate it." He gives her upper arm a squeeze, wishing it wouldn't be awkward to wrap his arms around her and maybe kiss her like he used to.

* * *

I'm sorry it's been longer than usual guys; I was wrapped up in school and work. Thanks again for following, favoriting, and reviewing! You're amazing.


	6. Chapter 5

You guys make me smile! :)

* * *

It's been a few weeks since the awful event that took place at the Funtown Carnival and things are just now starting to settle down in Charming - not for SAMCRO though; nothing ever seems to settle down for them. Abel has definitely grown stronger and is able to be held by family and friends now. His doctors, including Tara, are hoping he will be well enough to go home soon.

Sydney and Tara have been getting along nicely each time they see each other at the hospital much to Gemma's dismay. Sydney doesn't really understand why her grandma despises Tara so much but she doesn't push her for information - she definitely knows better. Gemma would never admit it, but she's jealous of how well they bond and it makes her think of when she and Tara used to get along so well. She's been trying to come around for the sake of her son who is still hopelessly in love with the woman.

Things have been a little crazy within the club lately which is obviously normal. The Sons have been on their toes since the ATF was in town and they had to dangerously go out of their way to store their guns in the Clubhouse as well as make a trip to Nevada to propose a deal with the charter there.

The club was lucky enough to have their guns out of the Clubhouse when the ATF showed up with a warrant and tore the place apart. Sydney happened to be at the Clubhouse that day and was terrified when a bunch of agents came barging in and forced her to get on the ground. "She's a little girl, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?!" Clay had shouted angrily. Jax felt horrible seeing how scared she was and is having a hard time forgiving himself even though it _wasn't his fault_ Sydney keeps telling him.

Gemma went to jail for assaulting a young girl and she and Clay ended up in a huge fight which made things awkward at the house for Sydney and Jax when they started to yell at each other. Gemma had locked herself the bedroom while Clay continued to sit at the head of the dining room table.

Things eventually blew over though. Family is the most important thing and they know they need to stick together.

* * *

Jax sits at the bar of the Clubhouse trying to nurse a minor hangover. He didn't feel comfortable laying next the woman he fucked last night. He knows he should stop doing this so much but it's an attempt at filling the void. He and Tara have been on good terms since the carnival but he isn't sure if he will be able to convince her to give him another chance.

Sydney and Gemma push through the doors of St. Thomas and head upstairs to see Abel. Tara is feeding him at the moment and she smiles at the two of them. "Would either of you like to take over?" She asks. Gemma smiles at Sydney. "Go on, baby. Feel your little brother." Sydney's eyes light up as she sits in the rocking chair so Tara can hand him over.  
"How's he doing?" Gemma asks. "He's doing good. He's a miracle baby. He is going to need some special care for the first year or so of his life." Gemma sighs. "Jax needs to get his act together then." Tara frowns. "I'm sure he'll do fine.. he has you. Super Mom, remember?" Gemma tries her best not to smile at the memory of Tara always calling her that but can't help it. Gemma always made sure Jax and his brother never went without and treated Tara and Jax's friends like her own, often feeding them and giving them a place to sleep when necessary. "I am Super Mom, aren't I?"

"Super Grandma, too." Sydney smiles, happy to see the two of them together like that. "Thanks, baby." Gemma smiles.  
Just then Jax walks up to the window and smiles at the sight of his two children. Gemma pulls out her phone and snaps a picture before telling Jax to stand behind the chair so she can take one of the three of them. "What a cute, little family." Gemma smiles proudly. "Hop in there, doc." She says to Tara who hesitates and gives her a confused look. "I-I don't kn-" Gemma cuts her off. "You saved a son, a brother, and a grandson." Tara stands next to Jax behind Sydney for the picture.

Sydney hands Abel to Jax before standing up to look at the pictures Gemma took. "Aww, these are all so cute.. except the second one! Look at my face." Sydney scrunches up her nose. Gemma shows Jax and Tara the pictures.  
"You look fine! I don't think you could ever look bad honestly. You're a beautiful girl, Sydney." Sydney smiles big and thanks her.  
"You should see her when she wakes up in the morning..." Jax jokes and cracks a playful smile that makes Tara's knees weak. _Goddamn, he's so nice to look at it. "_ When does grandma get to hold Abel?" Gemma persists.

Sydney stays behind with Gemma while Jax and Tara go for a short walk through the hallways. "Gemma surprised me.. she must not hate you as much as we thought, huh?" Tara smiles gratefully. "We've been getting better.. no where near where it used to be, obviously. But I don't expect it to ever be. Things are different now. Just as long as she doesn't want me dead... that's definitely a start." Jax nods in agreement. "I wanted to thank you for being so good to Sydney.. I know Gemma is always there for her and everything, but it's nice that she has another female to bond with.. she never had an actual mother growing up."

"You don't have to thank me - I've truly enjoyed her company these last few weeks. She's funny, witty, intelligent, beautiful, and even seems to be stubborn.. She reminds me of you, _especially_ when she smiles." Jax raises his eyebrows and gives her a look. "So I'm beautiful?" He asks. Tara giggles and nudges him. "Something like that." Jax is quick to respond, looking her right in the eyes. "Yeah, well so are you." She feels butterflies in her stomach and tries her best not to show how he truly makes her feel but can't hold back a smile. "Thanks, Teller."

* * *

"Check out that mamacita." Tig grins while nodding his head in the direction of the woman approaching the garage. "You and your undying love for the latinas." Bobby says, making Opie, Juice, Happy, and Half-Sack laugh. "How can we help you, miss?" Tig purrs. She flashes them all a sexy smile. "My car is doing some weird shit. Like making noises it never used to.. not too sure what's wrong with it." She says twirling her hair. Opie motions for her to give him the keys. "We'll take a look at it." Tig steps closer. "What's your name doll?" "Mercedes." Tig's eyes widen. _She's probably a stripper... hell yes_.

They talk for a little bit while Opie and Happy look at her car. "Tig's in Heaven right now.." Half-sack says to Juice who nods his head. "You got that right." Tig slips away from Mercedes. "Think you guys can hold this place down while I show Mercedes something real quick?" Tig asks them in a hushed voice. Juice stares at him. "Define _something_." Half-sack nods. "And _real quick._ " Tig flashes them a knowing smile. "I'll be back, boys."

Tig makes sure Clay isn't lurking around somewhere before he and Mercedes walk to the Clubhouse. "How come he gets all the ass?" Half-sack scratches his head. "Because he has both his nuts." Juice says, dodging Half-sack's swing and laughing.

Gemma and Sydney pull up to the garage and get out of the Cadillac. "Hello, boys.. how's it goin'?" Gemma asks. "Good, Mrs. Morrow." Half-sack nods avoiding eye contact. "Hey, kid. How have you been?" Juice asks while returning Sydney's hug. "I've been good! You?" Juice smiles. "I've been all right." Sydney even hugs Half-sack (she thinks he's so dorky and adorable but she's only ever admitted that to Gemma).

"Where's that girl?" Opie returns. "Tig went to show her something." Juice informs him. " _Oh, brother_.." Gemma says heading to her office. Sydney giggles, catching on. "Hey, babe." Opie says nodding to her. "Hey, Uncle Ope. I've missed you." Opie smiles and takes her into his strong arms, lifting her a few feet off the ground.

Jax pulls up on his bike wearing his gray Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair button-up under his kutte. He's working the rest of the day and relieving Opie. "Hey, boys.. what do we have here?"  
Opie replies before leaving. "Worn spark plugs.. I was going to ask her if she wants us to go ahead and replace them put Tig is taking her to pound-town right now." Jax rolls his eyes. "All right, thanks bro."

Happy curses. "Lucky son of a bitch."

* * *

Tara pulls up to Teller-Morrow and gets out to find Sydney - they're going shopping. Sydney hugs Gemma goodbye and exits the office. "Hey!" She smiles. "Ready for this?" Tara returns the smiles before responding. "Yes, indeed. It's been a long time since I've gone shopping like this so I'm pretty excited!"  
Just then Jax walks up. "I'll see you later, daddy." Sydney says with a grin. "Where are you going?" Sydney squints her eyes at him. "Grandma didn't tell you? Tara and I are going shopping. Grandma gave me some money.." She says with doe eyes. Jax sighs and pulls out his wallet. " _You're killing me, Smalls_.. here, take this. Don't buy anything stupid or I'll whoop your ass." He says in a joking manner. Sydney gasps. "Oh my god, thanks daddy!" She says hugging him and taking the $100. "Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. You knew what you were doing when you looked up at me through those damn eyelashes."

Tara giggles. "Where do you want me to drop her off at?" Jax thinks for a few seconds. "Depends on what time you'll be back." Tara checks her phone. "Well, it's 3:00 now... I'm not sure. I'll have her call you." Jax nods. "Thanks, Tara. This is really nice of you. I don't enjoy taking her shopping." Sydney rolls her eyes. "Not as much as _I_ don't enjoy it, dad. He's so picky and acts like.. _like_.." Sydney struggles with that to say. " _Like a dad_." Jax finishes her sentence for her while raising his eyebrows.

"Wait, I need to grab my bag." Sydney says before jogging back to the office. "What are you guys shopping for?" He asks Tara. "Clothes.. Anything other than scrubs." She jokes. Sydney returns with a goofy grin. "What?" Tara asks laughing. "Papa gave me money because grandma told him we are going shopping." Jax holds his hand out. "I want mine back then!" Sydney just hugs him goodbye. "Thanks again, daddy! I love you."

* * *

Tara and Sydney get to the mall after about 35-40 minutes in the car - there aren't any malls in or very close to Charming. They're now in American Eagle scoping out jeans. "Oh, man. It's been a while since I have bought jeans from this place.." Tara admits. "I can help - what's your size?" Sydney asks. "Either a four or a six.. Not really sure though." Sydney has Tara pick out three pairs of jeans she likes and grabs them in both sizes. "Try these on and see if which size fits better." Tara nods at her with a smile. "Yes, m'am."

Tara ended up purchasing three new pairs of jeans that fit her just right and she is overjoyed. "Thanks for helping me in there." Tara says as they exit the store. "I can't remember the last time I felt so good and confident while shopping."  
Sydney nudges her. "You're so pretty, Tara and have a great figure! Nothing to be ashamed of." Tara grins thankfully. "Wow, thanks so much! That really makes me feel great! What did you end up getting?"  
"You're always welcome! And I just hit up the sale racks - found a cute, dark green knit cardigan and a pair of jean shorts! Hey, can we go in here?" Sydney stops walking as they pass Forever 21. "Yes, of course. You don't have to ask!"

"Wow, this place is really cheap.." Tara says after checking a few price tags. "Maybe I should look around.." Sydney pops up from digging through the bottom of a shelf with a pair of jeans in hand. "Yes, look around! I love this place. Some of their clothes are totally not my style but they have so many different options to work with.. I know you'll find something!"

Sydney left Forever 21 with two pairs of jeans, a cute, floral sundress, earrings, two necklaces, some socks, and a big, brown faux leather purse. Tara managed to find a cheap pair of dark wash skinny jeans that Sydney talked her into buying. "They look so good on you! They hug your body just right. It's one pair and they are only $17, so why not?" Tara looks at herself in the mirror before deciding she would get them along with a few shirts and two dressy/casual tank tops.

The girls walk through the mall and decide where to go next. Tara really wants to buy some underwear and bras but isn't sure how Sydney would feel about it. "Hey, are you okay with going into Victoria's Secret so I can buy some unmentionables?" Tara asks. Sydney laughs at 'unmentionables' and nods her head. "Totally. Let's go."  
"Do you ever shop here?" Tara asks as they walk inside and start browsing around. "Yeah, but not for bras and underwear. Not yet at least. Even my laid back grandmother won't let me. I normally just buy things like perfume, lotion, and sweats. What's your size, I can help you look?"

"Well, this place runs pretty small so I think I'm gonna go with a large on the underwear.. probably medium, actually - I haven't shopped here in a long time. My bra size is a 34B though." Sydney nods, now picking through the underwear. She helps her pick out four cute, comfortable pairs and one sexy pair; Sydney called them _scandalous_ which made them both giggle uncontrollably. "I like shopping with you." Tara tells her.

Tara was lucky enough to find three cute bras her size in the sales bin which saved her a lot of money because of how ridiculously expensive that store can be. "Ever been fitted?" Tara asks Sydney while they wait in line to pay. Sydney's eyes widen at the question. "Oh, no. Not a whole lot to measure.. but they're growing. Even grandma noticed. I'll get fitted in a few months when they have _hopefully_ grown even more." Tara smiles. "Well, if you need someone to tag along let me know!"

They go into a few other stores like H&M and Charlotte Russe before deciding to get some dinner - Tara's treat. They're now seated in the Ruby Tuesday in the mall. "So what do you and your dad do to bond?" Tara asks Sydney before taking a sip of her iced tea. "Well... that's a hard one actually. Definitely ride on his bike, we used to go for walks sometimes but things have changed ever since Wendy got pregnant. We watch scary movies together sometimes and we occasionally talk bad about my mother to make me feel better."  
Ever so pleased to hear that Tara grins but also feels sorry for her. "I don't want to pry or anything.. but do you see her often?"  
"You're not prying! No, we really don't.. she comes around a few times a year; she even manages to send me a birthday card." Sydney rolls her eyes. "She's just not interested in seeing me often. I've learned to accept that. If she doesn't need me then I don't need her.." Sydney replies while looking down at her hands.

"I'm sorry, honey. I know that must be tough. You have so many people who love and care about you though, you know? An entire club that would do anything to make you happy and keep you safe." Tara says while leaning closer to her over the table. Sydney smiles sadly. "Yes, you're right.. thanks so much. Grandma has been amazing my entire life and like a mother to me but it's hard sometimes. Dad does his best and is the greatest father I could ask for. I know how much he cares about me and I'm truly lucky to have such a great relationship with him."

They eat and talk for about and hour and a half before grabbing all their bags and leaving the mall. Tara pops the trunk of her Cutlass so they can throw all their stuff in it. "I'm going to call dad." Sydney says pulling her phone out of her bag. "Hey, dad. Yeah, a lot of fun! What do you mean 'things I don't need?!' I need everything that I bought!" Sydney says while glancing at Tara to grin at her. "The shop? Yeah, okay. Mhm, yep. I love you too. Bye!"  
"Take you to Teller-Morrow?" Tara assumes. "Yup."

They arrive at the shop thirty minutes later and Sydney glances at her father's bike to see if she can fit all her things in his saddle bags. "What's wrong?" Jax yells from inside the shop after noticing Sydney standing by his bike. "Nothing." She shouts walking toward him. "I need to organize my things so I can fit them in your bags."  
"How much did you get?" He sighs while continuing to fill out some paperwork on the hightop counter. "Not a lot." Sydney fibs and makes Tara giggle - a sound that is like music to Jax's ears. "What about you?" He looks up from the papers to catch Tara's eye. "I bought a lot of stuff I guess.. it was nice. She's a great shopper." Tara says wrapping an arm around Sydney. "She checks out all the sales and goes from there and, in turn, spends less money while getting more things.. you should be proud. I'm super impressed."  
"Aw, thank you! Shopping is my sport... and dance of course." Sydney jokes.

Sydney hugs Tara goodbye and thanks her before she grabs her bags from the trunk. "Thanks again for this.. is was a blast and I'd love to do it again sometime.. I really enjoy spending time with you." Sydney says. "I had fun too.. you're an awesome girl, Sydney. And remember what I told you!"

Jax takes Sydney's bags from her hands and carries them for her. "Hold on." He tells Tara. "I'll be right back."  
"Hey." Tara smiles when he returns. "Thanks for letting me take her.. even though you didn't know about it until last minute.. I really enjoyed myself. She blows me away, honestly. She's so smart and strong through everything. She must get that from you. And Abel being such a fighter and doing so well when his chances to live at first were slim to none... it must be in the blood, Teller."

Jax grins. "Well, thanks. I do take pride in my babies. Listen, thanks again for being so good to her. I really appreciate it. I know she can be hand full while shopping. You know that expression _shop 'til you drop_? I think she would literally do that if she had the money to." Jax replies. Tara shakes her head with a smile. "Oh, I know it. She's great though.. she really helped me out. It was nice to get to know her a little more."

* * *

Tara gets home and removes the tags and stickers from all her clothes before throwing the underwear in the wash. She hears a noise coming from the back of her house and instantly freezes. After listening closely but hearing nothing she shakes it off.

She goes over in hear head whether or not she wants to shower tonight before bed or just do it in the morning. She steps foot in her room while flipping the switch and lets out a loud shriek.


	7. Chapter 6

I'm loving these reviews! Keep 'em comin', lovelies!

 **This chapter contains sexual content. You've been warned!**

* * *

Sydney stands near a trash can in Teller-Morrow and removes all the tags and stickers from the things she bought. She folds them up as small as possible and shoves them into Jax's saddle bags. "They fit?" He asks as she returns. "Yeah, except for the purse I bought. I'll just hold onto that though."

"How was that 'mamacita' anyway?" Happy asks for everyone who was also wondering.  
"Yeah," Bobby joins in. "Worth it?"  
Tig grins. "Fuck yeah she was!" They all laugh including Jax and Sydney just rolls her eyes at them. "You are all pigs... every one of you!"  
"We love you, doll." Tig winks.

"Let's shut this place down." Juice says as soon as it turns 9:00.  
"I'm with ya, brother.." Tig says.

Ten minutes later the shop is locked up and all the guys besides Jax walk to the Clubhouse. "Ready, babe?" He asks looking down at Sydney. "Yes." She says putting on her helmet.

* * *

Tara takes a step back. "What are you doing here?" She asks angrily yet terrified. He removes his hands from his ears now that she's no longer screaming. "Jesus Christ, Tara! Calm down, sweetie. I'm not here to hurt you. I want to talk to you.. things ended so badly for us and I want to fix that." He says while lounging on her bed.  
"There isn't anything to fix, Josh... You shouldn't be here. It's _illegal_ \- you should know that."

"That restraining order is bullshit, Tara!" He shouts while getting off the bed and stepping closer to her. "We had something really special.. You ruined it and I'm here to tell you that I forgive you and know we can work it out if you would just try.. try to realize how great we are for each other. You and Jax? No way. He's sleeping around on you anyway, love. I wouldn't do that."  
Tara takes a deep breath before working up the nerve to say how she really feels, aware of his horrible temper. "Listen, Joshua.. What we had was not special. You physically and mentally abused me.. how can you expect me to think we will ever have a happy relationship?"

Josh takes another step toward Tara and she freezes. "I've changed, Tar-Tar. Can't you see?! I came all this way because I love you that much. I know I made mistakes and did things I shouldn't have. I forgave you, why can't you forgive me? I love you!" He yells desperately.

Tara's heart starts to beat even harder against her ribcage as she tries to come up with a plan. She knows he is psychotic which is why she needs to be extremely careful. One wrong move and he could snap like he did before. He beat the hell out of her and raped her and she'd never been so scared in her entire life.

"Why are stepping away from me, Tara? This should be what you want.. A new life with me! We don't have to go back to Chicago - we can go anywhere you want as long as we get the hell out of Charming. You don't belong here."  
Tara concentrates on breathing evenly before responding to his nonsense. "This is where my job is, Josh. I'm doing well here and making good money doing what I love. I don't want a relationship right now.. I need to focus on myself. If I wanted to get back with Jax it would have happened already." She says as firmly and credible as she possibly can.

He steps back and sits on the bed. "I think you're lying to me." He says ever so calmly which isn't a good sign; he became calm before he blew up in her face the last time. Tara knows she needs to trick him into believing something opposite of the truth - something he wants to hear. She's repulsed by him and doesn't want to go near him or say the things she is about to, but she knows she has to for her own safety.

She slowly walks over to him and sits beside him which surprises him. "You're right - I am lying Joshua. I do wish things could have worked out for us because we were good together." She says and he nods eagerly, waiting for her to say more. "You really scared me when you flew off the handle last time and I just don't want that to happen again.. I believe you can change but I am just scared Josh. You promise you want what's best for me and won't hurt me ever again?" She asks while leaning closer, already knowing she's partly convinced him - he's way too gullible but she's thanking God for that right now.

Josh leans in as well. "Tara, I promise! I love you and I need you.. you're everything I have ever wanted and I won't let you down again. I want to make you happy and start a family."  
Tara forces out a genuine smile and sets her hand on his knee. "There are some things I need to work before I can be committed to you." She says.  
Without warning he grabs her and flips her over so he is on top of her, making her gasp loudly. "You're not lying again are you?" He asks. She shakes her head furiously. He leans down and starts to plant kisses on her jaw and neck and it takes everything she has not to vomit. He runs his hands up and down her body before squeezing her breasts and letting out a groan. "Oh, Tara... Tara, I've missed this so much... haven't you?" He asks as he tries to remove her shirt.  
She fights every urge to push him off and eventually just lets him take her shirt off followed by his.

He nuzzles his face between her breasts and inhales deeply. "Is this perfume new?" He asks her casually as she tries to figure out her next move. "Yes, it is actually..." She says with a fake, _practiced to perfection_ moan as he pinches her nipples through her silky bra. "You like that?" He asks, not even bothering to look at her. "Yeah, I do.. But I want to show you that perfume I'm wearing." She says.

"Right now?" He asks as he removes her jeans, still not looking at her. He makes his way up her legs and attempts to push her thighs apart as Tara quickly reaches her hand towards her nightstand, knowing he's not fully aware at the moment. She spreads her legs wide to keep his attention off what she is doing and is aware he can probably see everything through her black lace panties. He gasps at the site just as Tara manages to pull a gun out of the drawer.

He puts his hands up in defense, clearly shocked. "You tricked me, you little bitch!" He yells even though she's pointing the gun right at him. "Get away from me right now." She hisses. "Tara, please. It doesn't have to be like this.." He pleads.  
"I'm not falling for your bullshit, Joshua! You're insane! I learned my lesson.. I'm not the same woman who decided being with you was a good idea - I'm no longer so vulnerable and naive. I said get the _fuck_ away!" She yells as he moves a little toward her again.

"You don't have it in you, Tar-Tar. I know you. You're probably scared out of your mind and you should be.. you're not cut out to be an old lady, you know that, right? You don't fit the part. You're a fucking surgeon - you stick out like a sore thumb in that crowd. You don't mean shit to Jax - he doesn't actually love you. I'm the only person who does! All you have is ME. Stop trying to push me away, you wannabe biker slut!" He shouts as he darts towards her and reaches for the gun.

Tara shrieks as he reaches for the gun and tries to take it from her. He wrestles her onto the bed and holds her down with both hands so she is unable to move. She struggles in his grip and he just evilly smiles at her in triumph. "What are you gonna do now?" He mocks.  
"This!" She says as she butts her head hard into his nose, positive she may have broken it and winches at the pain it also caused her. He immediately lets go of her and puts his hands over his nose. "My fucking nose! What the fuck, cunt!" He says lunging at her once more.

The roll around on the bed struggling to push each other off and get hold of the gun. They roll too far and fall off the bed, causing the gun the fall a few feet away from them. The tackle each other for it and but Tara ends up getting ahold of it. She is on her back gripping the gun face up toward the ceiling as he has his hands on hers trying to pry them off it. He gets a better grip on her hands and squeezes once more which causes a very loud shot to be fired.

* * *

Sydney is showing Gemma the clothes she bought as Jax is standing in the kitchen leaning against the counter smoking.  
"How did things at the shop go today?" Clay asks entering the room. Jax takes another drag. "It was alright." He says shortly, not really wanting to talk to him.

Just then his phone starts vibrating and he sees that Tara is calling which seems a little odd to him. "Hello?" He asks.  
"Jax?!" She asks in a shaky, shrill, and high voice. Jax stubs out his cigarette quickly and uses his hand to cover his ear not pressed against the phone. "Tara? What's wrong?" He asks anxiously.  
"I didn't mean to, I really didn't!" She says hysterically. "Can you come over please? I need help. Be prepared though - this isn't good." She says as she starts to sob.

Jax tells Gemma to keep an eye on Sydney because he has to leave and rushes out the door and to Tara's house as fast as he can manage without driving like a maniac and/or getting pulled over.

* * *

Josh had squeezed too hard on Tara's hand which made her hand pull the trigger, shooting straight up through his chin and out the top of his head. He died instantly and collapsed onto a screaming Tara. She pushed him off as hard as she could and his top half fell into her restroom as he bled out onto her linoleum.

She sat in shock for a few minutes not knowing what to do before she grabbed some old sheets and threw them over him to cover him and help soak up some of the blood so it's not such a mess.  
After that she called Jax.

He knocks on her door and enters without waiting for her to answer because of how freaked out she was on the phone. She quickly greets him, still in her bra and panties. He looks her over for a split second before asking what the fuck happened. So she told him.

"Jesus Christ." Jax says sitting on the bed after she showed him Kohn's corpse. "We need to take care of this and leave absolutely no traces behind... Do you have anything I can dispose of him with or should I go get some things?" He asks stressed but not freaked out or scared like Tara expected. _He's used to violence_ she says to herself in her head.

Tara gave Jax a box of large trash bags, a tarp she had in her garage, some rope, and a huge roll of duct tape and told him to use what he needs and he almost laughed but forced himself not to because he knows this is serious.

Jax does what he can with the supplies she gave him and makes sure to wear gloves. He doesn't let Tara touch the body at all and moves it off to the side once he's done. "Have any old towel or anything I can clean this up with?" Tara nods before leaving to retrieve a few raggedy towels and some more paint stained sheets. She grabs cleaner containing bleach and her rubber cleaning gloves and together they tackle the bloody mess until it's spotless and thoroughly disinfected, disposing of the towels and sheets as well as Kohn's shirt.

"You should shower... you have blood on you." He says to her, doing his best to keep his eyes from wandering to her half naked body. She nods and thanks him. "Thank you so much for this Jax.. I don't know what I would have done if you wouldn't have helped me." She says as fresh tears well up in her eyes. He wraps his arms around her bare middle section to comfort her. "You're welcome, Tara.. I am going to go take care of this and will be back in about an hour or so - depending on how long this will take me - to check on you.. Is that okay?" He asks as he pulls away. Tara nods her head as she wipes away her tears.

Tara takes her time in the shower to get her mind off things. She shaves her legs, her armpits, and her lower parts before washing her entire body and scrubbing her hair really good. She lets the water run on her body when she's finished. Jax had returned in a truck to grab Kohn's body while Tara was showering and hasn't come back yet. Tara turns the water off and steps out and dries off before slipping into her robe and using the damp towel to wrap her hair in.

She sits at her kitchen table and does a few shots of Tequila in an attempt to calm her nerves before going to her bedroom to get dressed. She removes the towel from her head and flips her hair back like the women in the shampoo commercials just as Jax enters the room.  
"All taken care of?" She asks, still in her robe and forgetting about getting dressed. He nods. "Can I ask what exactly that was all about and what he wanted?"

Tara sighs as she brushes her damp hair. "That was an ex from Chicago.. huge mistake on my part. We weren't together long but he was very abusive, both physically and verbally. One night things got way out of hand.. he beat me almost unconscious and then raped me. I filed a restraining order against him but I guess that didn't work as well as I hoped it would..." Tara explains and begins to run some product through her hair. She glances at Jax and sees that he is tense and has a very angry expression on his face.

"He really did that to you?" He asks through gritted teeth and Tara just nods sadly. "Yes. I was stupid for ever getting with him.. I ignored some red flags." Jax just nods, not really knowing what to say. Tara nods for him to follow her as she goes into her kitchen and poors herself another shot and tips it back. "Would you like one?" She smiles.  
"Sure, why the hell not? After tonight I could have the entire bottle." Jax replies as she slides the full shot glass his way.

"I'll be right back." Tara says putting the bottle away after Jax has downed a few shots but not enough to have any affect on him - his tolerance has risen over the years due to many nights at the Clubhouse. Jax nods as she leaves the room. A minute later he remembers he wants to ask her something that has nothing to do with the events of tonight - something about Abel. He walks through her house and enters her room.

Jax is frozen, staring at Tara in awe. She had just dropped her robe as he entered the room and he personally thinks the timing couldn't be more perfect. He stares at her backside and longs to run his hands over her soft, milky skin once more after all these years. Tara notices his reflection in the mirror and bravely turns around to face him, knowing exactly what she is doing. Jax's breath hitches in his throat at the sight of her standing about ten feet away completely nude and sexy as ever. He sees her beautiful body in his peripheral vision, refusing to break eye contact with her. Tara is reminded of when they were teenagers.

 _Tara and Jax had been getting serious for a few months now and had been doing simple things like hand jobs, fingering, groping, and a few blow jobs - that's it though. Tara was much shyer than Jax and was too embarrassed and self-conscious to reveal everything to him just yet. She'd seen him in the nude many a times but, oddly enough, he'd only seen her in her bra and panties. He chose not to push her about it and did his best to accept the fact that she just wasn't ready to be that intimate yet._

 _That all changed one night and Jax didn't even see it coming._

 _Tara called Jax in the middle of a screaming match with her drunk father and asked if she could stay at his house again tonight. This was becoming a regular thing and Gemma felt bad for the girl. She was definitely hesitant at first but Tara was starting to grow on her and she wanted to help her when she could._

 _Tara told Jax to meet her halfway because she wanted to walk. The weather was cool and she needed the fresh air after the shit that just went down with her father. She stuffed her black JanSport backpack with clean clothes, a toothbrush, and a hair brush before darting out the door._  
 _She walked at a good pace and took deep breaths to fill her lungs with the evening air in an attempt to calm her nerves. She was about done with her father's shit._

 _She smiled when she saw her handsome boyfriend turn a corner and start walking in her direction; his presence is what she needed right now._  
 _"Hey, babe." He says wrapping her in a hug, slipping his arms between her back and book bag so he could pull her close. "You okay?"_  
 _She returns the hug and sighs. "Yeah, I'm alright." Even to her it sounds unconvincing._

 _They walk hand-in-hand back to Jax's house where Gemma is preparing dinner: barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes and gravy, and sweet corn. "Hey, baby." Gemma says hugging Tara and kissing her head. "I hope you're hungry?" Tara smiles. "Starving."_

 _Tara used to feel out of place eating dinner at Jax's a few months back when they first got together but now it's normal - she's even been able to talk to John a little._

 _After dinner Tara helps Gemma clear the table and load the dishwasher. "I'm sorry your dad's such a dick, Tara. Know that you're welcome here whenever, okay? You make my boy so happy. I've never seen him like this before"_  
 _Tara smiles as tears fill her eyes. Gemma looks at her and brings her in for a tight hug so Tara can just let it out. "I know, baby." She say rubbing her back. "I know."_

 _Tara enters Jax's room with tearstained cheeks and puffy eyes as he's drying his freshly washed hair with a towel. He says nothing - just hugs her. They lay down and she continues to cry a little bit before calming down. "Thanks for being here for me, Jackson. I love you." It wasn't the first time she's said it, but he still feels so happy to hear it. "I love you too, Tara."_

 _She kisses him passionately before sitting up. "I'm going to shower."_  
 _Jax was one of those lucky kids who had their own personal bathroom connected to his bedroom. Tara closed the door behind her before looking at herself in the mirror. She turned the water on and stripped out of her clothes, leaving them a mess on the floor. She let the hot water run over her for a bit before grabbing the shampoo she brought over last time and lathering it onto her scalp._

 _Tara wrung out her hair before stepping out of the shower and into the steam-filled shower and wrapping herself in a towel. She noticed that she failed to remember her bag of clean clothes. Her heart beat quickened at the thought of having to enter his bed room in a towel and then retreat back to the bathroom with her bag. That sounded absurd to her and she was embarrassed just thinking about it. **So she did something else**._

 _Tara emerged from the bathroom and looked at Jax still laying down watching TV. Their eyes met and his widened a little - he wasn't used to her doing something like this. "Hey." Was what he said. "Hi."_  
 _"Anything good on?" She asked bending down and rummaging through her bag. Jax was too distracted by her towel hiking **up, up, up**. She stood back up and Jax cursed in his head. "Jax?"_

 _"Ah, yeah. Uhhh... A few things, I guess." He replied._

 _Without warning Tara dropped her towel and grabbed the lotion she left last time and squeezed some into her hands. She started rubbing it all over her arms, achingly slow. Jax, positive he couldn't voice a coherent thought or even breathe normally, couldn't help but stare. He'd never seen Tara's breasts before and he kept moving his head each time one of her arms covered them as she rubbed in the lotion._

 _Tara's heart was pounding knowing Jax was gaping at her. She tried to hide the fact that her hands were shaking. He wasn't looking at her hands though. His eyes drifted up and down her naked body and all he wanted to do was explore every inch of it. He'd had his hands all over her, but that was different than **seeing**. He was trying to put it all together just as Tara lifted one leg and rested it on the corner of his dresser so she could lotion it._

 _Jax almost gasped at the site of her spread, shaven core. She finally looked at him and he thought he might cum himself right then and there. She flashed him a sexy, confident smile when she saw the effect she had on him - she could tell he was liking what he was seeing. Jax sat up in bed and stared into her eyes with longing and desire. "What are you trying to do here?"_

 _Tara giggled before turning around to grab her clothes. She had her shirt in hand for a split second before it was taken from her and tossed to the side. Jax wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and she could feel his erection against her ass. She turned in this arms to face him and allowed her head to hang back as he trailed kisses down her neck and to her breasts. He tweaked one nipple with his fingers while taking the other in his mouth, sucking and twirling it with his tongue. He switched breasts and Tara moaned._

 _Jax palmed her bare ass and started backing up towards the bed. She pushed him back on it and giggled at the look on his sexy face. She then pounced on him and began pulling his shirt over his head for him. She tossed it before reaching for his belt buckle. He kicked his jeans off the rest of the way while she started pulling down his boxers to release his throbbing, impressive erection and kissing his mouth._

 _Jax places his hand between her legs and starts rubbing her clit. "You're so fucking wet." He groans. He flips Tara on her back and places himself between her legs. He stares at her sex in awe and slowly slides a finger in while rubbing her clit with the thumb of his opposite hand. She arches her back and moans. "That feels so good, Jax." He smirks, clearly pleased with himself. He leans back down and starts to make out with her before slowly trailing more kisses down her body._

 _Tara tenses up as Jax gets closer to her core. "Just relax, babe. I **promise** I'll make you feel good. You definitely don't have anything to be embarrassed or worried about. You're perfect." He says to help settle her. She holds her breath as he kisses her shaved pubic area but lets it out with quite possibly the hottest moan Jax has ever heard as he flicks his tongue on her clit. He begins fingering her as he eats her out and her knuckles turn white and she grips his sheets and tries her best to be quieter. " **Holy shit** , Jackson... oh my god! That feels good, **so fuckin' good!** " _

_It doesn't take long for Tara's legs to start shaking uncontrollably as she bucks her hips against him. She grabs a pillow to help muffle her screams as Jax gives her the most intense orgasm she's ever had. Jax pushes himself onto his knees and smiles at his beautiful, panting goddess of a girlfriend. "How was that?" He asks as her kisses her neck once more. "It was okay." She shrugs, trying her best not to smiles but she loses her shit when his eyebrows shoot up into his hair. "You know how it was.. now it's your turn." She says seductively as she makes her way down his abs._

* * *

What do you think will happen with present-day Jax and Tara?!


	8. Chapter 7

You guys are the bees knees! I'm shooting for another 11 reviews because that's how many I got on chapter 6 and I was very pleased! Much love.  
I'm sorry it has taken this long to update. Been pretty busy with assignments and work!

* * *

Jax and Tara stared at each other for what seemed like a long time to both of them before she felt tears prick her eyes. Tonight has been super stressful and she can't believe she actually has blood on her hands - she took a life. Of course it was not on purpose and Kohn wasn't the best of people, but it was still a human life. How can she ever move on and forgive herself for something like this?

Tara brings her hands up to cover her face and hide her shame and embarrassment as she begins to cry. Realizing how ridiculous she must look - _breaking down into tears completely naked while she was initially trying to be sexy_ \- only makes her cry more.  
Jax walks towards her and grabs her robe from the floor. He gently pulls her hands down, revealing sad emerald eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He holds the robe out for her to slip her arms into and she secures it around her waist.

Without saying anything Tara wraps her arms around Jax, hoping she will feel his strong embrace. He returns the hug and rubs her back over the silky material of the robe as she cries into his neck. "It's going to be okay Tara. Not right now, not tomorrow, probably not even next month - but someday it will be. I promise." Tara nods into this neck that is now wet with tears.  
"I'm sorry I'm such a mess.. thanks again for everything. I don't think I can get through this without you." She says pulling away.  
Jax wipes the tears from her face. "Yeah, well, you don't have to."

Tara finally flashes him a pretty smile. "Thanks. I want to ask you something... it'll probably sound absurd right now, but-"  
"Ask me." He insists. Tara flushes. "Can we go for a ride on your bike?"

* * *

Jax and Tara arrive at Clay and Gemma's which is very dark - it looks as if everyone is in bed. "Come in, I have to take a leak." Tara grins at him before following him through the garage and into the house she spent most of her nights at when she was 16-19 years old. "Just like I remember it." She observes and Jax grins at her but his smile doesn't meet his eyes.

Jax disappears and leaves Tara standing in a dark kitchen. She walks over to the fridge and looks at the pictures hanging on it with a big smile plastered on her face. One of Sydney as a little girl holding what appears to be her first lost tooth. Jax and Opie on what Tara assumes is Jax's 21st birthday. Thomas Teller held by John Teller. Sydney on Jax's shoulders dressed as Snow White. A candid photo of Jax handing Sydney flowers at what looks like ballet or some kind of dance recital. Sydney and Gemma at Teller-Morrow. Clay and Gemma at the Club House.

Tara's thoughts are interrupted by Jax's voice floating from another room in the dark house. "I didn't know you were up. You okay? You don't look so good, babe."  
Sydney is the one to reply. "Yeah, I'm okay. My head is just pounding. I'm going to take something." Sydney enters the kitchen followed by Jax and jumps when she sees Tara. Tara apologizes while grinning. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, honey."  
Sydney smiles. "So what are you guys up to?" She asks curiously as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. Jax opens one of the cupboards and pulls out some pain relievers and hands two to Sydney. "We're going on a ride." Jax replies.

Sydney looks straight at Tara and can't keep the smile off her face. Tara remembers admitting that she used to love riding with Jax and flushes crimson but smiles back. "What am I missing?" Jax asks.  
"Nothing, daddy." Sydney swallows the pills. "Ugh.. this sucks so bad!" She complains while rubbing her temples. Jax frowns and tucks her wavy curls behind her ear to get them out of her face. "Why does it hurt?" Sydney just shrugs. "I'm not sure."

Jax pulls her in for a loving hug. "I hope you feel better. I should be home in a little while but I hope you'll be asleep by then? Sweet dreams, angel." He says kissing her head. Tara smiles at how adorable Jax is when it comes to his little girl. "Thanks, dad. Goodnight."  
"Bye, Sydney. I hope your headache goes away so you can get some sleep. Goodnight!"

"Thanks, Tara! I hope it does too. Have a nice ride!" She says with a playful smile.  
Jax and Tara leave through the door that is connected to the garage. Jax hands Tara Sydney's helmet as he swings his leg over and sits on his bike. She removes some of the padding in the helmet so it fits better before getting on and wrapping her arms around him. "Ready?"  
"Can't wait!" She says with glee. Jax starts the bike and they ride out into the street and head to the outskirts of town.

Tara enjoys the cool wind against her body as they ride through the mountainous land. Jax speeds up once they get further from town and Tara giggles as she tightens her grip around him. She never realized how much she missed this: riding on the back of Jax's bike and forgetting everything for a little while. Riding with Jax was always so calming to her.

" _Come on, Tara. We've been together for almost two years now. Don't you trust me? I wouldn't let you get on the back of my bike if I wasn't sure of myself. It'll be fun. We'll stay in town so we can go slow." Jax tries to convince her as he reaches for Tara's waist and rests his hands there after pulling her close. He lightly presses a kiss on her forehead._

 _Jackson Teller had just turned "the big 18" yesterday and received his very own motorcycle. He of course had ridden a motorcycle before because he had to learn so he could get his license, but having his own bike is a big deal and he really wants to share the experience with his wonderful girlfriend._

 _"It's not that I don't trust you, babe.. I'm just scared." She admits sheepishly. Jax grins. "That's what you said about **a lot of things**.. besides, you **love** riding." He says wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and earning a gasp and smack on the upper arm from Tara. "This is a motorcycle though... This is different." _  
_Jax grabs an extra helmet that is sitting around in Teller-Morrow. "Please?"_  
 _Tara adverts her eyes away from his adorable face. "Stop that.." She commands. Jax smirks, knowing he's getting to her. "Stop what?" Tara can't help but laugh. "You know damn well what you are doing, Jackson Nathaniel. Don't look at me like that."_

 _It didn't take much longer for Jax to get Tara to agree to "just one ride." Tara was shaking and holding onto Jax so tightly at first, but she finally loosened up and told herself to try to enjoy it. After all, this is what Jax loves to do and is a big part of his life and family._  
 _They ride around town and end up back at Teller-Morrow twenty minutes later. Jax comes to a stop and waits for Tara to hop off but she doesn't. "Tara?" He asks. Her response is a request: "Let's go again!"_

Jax and Tara ride about a half hour away from Charming and are just now turning around. Tara's been trying to avoid the fact that she is truly enjoying being pressed up against him. She can no longer deny the way he makes her feel even after all this time.  
About another half hour later they are pulling into Tara's driveway. She hops off the bike and takes off the helmet and hands it to him but he gets off the bike too. "I can walk you in."

Tara's stomach drops at the thought of sleeping alone in her house tonight. She couldn't be happier that this is only a temporary home that her job's benefits help pay for until she finds a home she wants to live in. She isn't sure she could ever live here happily after what happened tonight.  
She unlocks the door and they enter, Jax closing the door behind them. "Thanks a lot for letting me ride with you. It helped relax me somewhat."  
Jax flashes her a sexy half smile. "Anytime, Doc.. I mean that." Tara grins and says the next thing that pops into her head. "I hope Sydney's headache went away and that you don't wake her when you get home." Jax chuckles. "I hope I don't either. That's when her horns come out."  
Tara giggles. "Sounds like someone else I know." She mocks.

Jax raises his eyebrows with a smile. "Funny. Well, I meant what I said.. let me know when you want to go for another ride, okay?" Tara nods. "Thanks. Goodnight, Jax."

* * *

The only thing Jax can think about on his ride home was how badly he wanted to kiss her goodnight. He knows she was too vulnerable though considering what she just went through. He doesn't want her to kiss him unless she actually wants to.

It's already well past 1AM as Jax pulls his bike into the garage and presses a button to close the door. He quietly enters the house, kicks off his shoes and heads straight to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth. He exits the bathroom shirtless but still in his jeans with his white t-shirt, hoodie, and kutte drapped over his forearm.  
Upon entering his old bedroom, he sees that Sydney isn't in bed. He quickly trades his jeans in for a pair of sweats before checking the living room.  
Sure enough, Sydney is sprawled out on the couch. Jax stares at the beauty as he contemplates whether or not he should move her. She stirs and Jax holds his breath, hoping he hasn't disturbed her. She stretches and rolls over but opens her eyes. "Hey, dad."

Jax sighs. "Did I wake you?" Sydney shakes her head. "No, I don't think so.. how was the ride?" Jax looks at her quizzically before responding. "It was fine... how's the head?" She grins mockingly. "It's fine..."  
Jax chuckles before leaving the living room and going to the dining room to grab his cigarettes. He sits down and thinks about how long the day has been as he smokes. He hopes that Tara can deal with possibly being questioned about Kohn going missing when the time comes. There's no way it will just go unnoticed.

Jax stands, stretching and yawning as he enters the living room. Sydney is already fast asleep again so he gently lifts her and puts her on the opposite side of the queen sized bed before crawling under the covers and passing out instantly.

* * *

Tara tossed and turned all night and it is now 11AM. She finally decides to get out of bed after laying awake for a long time. She puts the clothes she forgot about in the washer into the dryer before heading to the kitchen to have some coffee when her phone starts ringing. "Hello?"  
"Hey, Tara! You're not at work, are you?" Donna asks eagerly. Tara grins. "No, why?"  
"Want to do something? I want to talk to you.. we weren't really able to at the carnival. It's been so long, y'know? I've missed you, Tare-Bear." Tara grins before giggling. "I've missed you as well Donny."  
"Great! Meet me at The Coffee Bean at noon?"  
"It's a date." Tara says before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Tara tries not to think about Kohn as she enters her bathroom to brush through her hair and straighten it. She washes and moisturizes her face before applying a light foundation and deciding to just wear mascara on her eyes. She thinks about eating before brushing her teeth but is sure she doesn't have an appetite at the moment.  
She bends down to pick up the bags of clothes she abandoned last night and picks one of her new tank tops and the skinny jeans Sydney talked her into buying. She dresses and admires herself in the mirror - something she doesn't do often. She turns to look at her bottom and finds that she actually likes the way the jeans hug her just right. She smiles, finally feeling confident for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

Sydney woke up around 7:30 and felt wide awake so she got out of bed as quietly as she could manage so she wouldn't wake her father. He didn't end up getting out of bed until 10AM which is weird for him since he is an early riser - late to bed and early to rise is how he's been for a very long time now.

Jax showered and left for the Clubhouse around 11 after kissing Sydney goodbye. Clay is gone too so it's just Gemma and Sydney.  
"Did you hear your dad come in last night?" Gemma asks her while slipping on her leather jacket. Sydney nods. "Yes, kind of. I didn't hear him but I woke up after her got here." Gemma pushes for more information. "How was he? Did he seem weird or anything?" Sydney shakes her head. "No, he seemed fine, gram."

"Alright, good. I just don't know what to think..." Sydney nods but wonders what exactly her grandmother means. She was hoping that Gemma was starting to give Tara a break but now she's not so sure. "Do you really not like her that much?" Gemma sighs, knowing she has some explaining to do. "Sydney, I don't think it's that I don't like her.. I've moved on from that at least. She left your father a heartbroken mess when she took off for Chicago. I had no idea what to do.. he wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't even hook up with girls for a while... all he wanted to do was sulk in his bedroom and there was nothing I could do to make it better. That's what sucked the most; not being able to help my baby."

Sydney bites her lip, feeling sorry for her father as well as Gemma. "How long was he like that? That bad, I mean." Gemma thinks. "A while. Even after you were born. But he eventually pulled his head out of his ass and saw that he had someone else other than himself to worry about. You got him through all that shit, baby. I have no idea what he would be like today if he wouldn't have slept with that tart and got her pregnant." Sydney smiles and throws her arms around Gemma who gladly returns the hug. "I love you, grandma." "I love you too, Sydney."

* * *

Tara spots Donna as she enters The Coffee Bean and grins, happy to see her friend. "Hey! You're looking good today!" Donna says looking Tara over. "New clothes?" Tara nods, thanking her. "Yes, finally! So how have you been?" She asks pulling a chair out and sitting down. "I've been okay.. stressed about Opie's involvement in the club though. He just got out of prison after five years and I won't be able to handle him going back.. he has kids to raise." Donna says sadly. Tara reaches for her hand across the table. "I'm sorry, Donna.. I know it must be really hard for you.. I can't even imagine having a family while trying to be strong through everything.. you're an amazing woman and Opie is so very lucky to have you!" Donna squeezes back. "Thanks, Tara.. sometimes it just really seems like the kids and I come second though.. he says he's doing it for us though.. being in the club and working in the shop, I mean." Tara nods. "Opie has loved you since you guys were kids and still does. Trust me. You're the love and light of his life, honey."

Donna and Tara eventually change the subject while getting in line to place an order. "So how have things been for you since you returned? Do you like your job?" Tara nods excitedly. "I _love_ my job! I was super nervous about coming back but it was my best option. Plus, I wouldn't have been the one to help Abel if I hadn't returned." Donna pays the cashier for her coffee. "How is the little guy doing anyway?" Tara looks over the menu and orders before responding. "He's doing great. I was definitely nervous about him the first few weeks. Not exactly the type of family you want to let down, y'know?" Tara asks, a hint of smirk on her face. Donna giggles. "Definitely not.. so you and Jax? What's going on with that?"

Tara and Donna return to their table with their drinks. "We've decided to be civil.. the last thing I want to do is be on bad terms. I enjoy being one of Abel's doctors and do not want anything to be awkward." Donna narrows her eyes at her. "That's it? I know better than that, Knowles.." Tara's eyes widen and Donna giggles. "C'mon, nothing? No _you-left-me-but-I'm-still-madly-in-love-with-you_ or _I-can't-resist-because-you're-so-goddamn-sexy_ sex?" She asks with a suggestive smile. Tara gasps and throws her crumpled up receipt at Donna making them both laugh. "You think I can't resist him?" Tara asks. Donna takes a sip of her coffee to keep from laughing again. " _Well_ , not many women can.. even the taken ones. Jax has been with a lot of women but he is choosy."

* * *

Jax sits at the bar in the Clubhouse smoking a cigarette after Church. They discussed the fact that the One-Niners are going to be pissed about the Sons decided to deal weapons to the Mayans but it's a risk they know they need to take. This life is the one Jax has known his entire life but he often thinks about what things would be like if he would have taken a different path. Like graduating high school and denying the club life. He didn't do that though; he feels as if he wouldn't fit in somewhere else.

Clay walks up next to him. "What's going on with you? Your head isn't where it should be.. we have a lot coming up that needs your full attention and dedication." Jax stubs out his cigarette. "My head is fine, Clay. Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself." He says while hopping off the bar stool and exiting the building. "Prick."

* * *

Gemma and Sydney walk past all the shops and businesses on Main Street while talking. "Gemma, Sydney! Hello! How are you girls doing today?" Susie, the owner of a cute clothing and accessories store for woman called _Miss Femme_ , asks. "We're doing great Susie. How are you?" Gemma asks taking off her sunglasses. Gemma isn't always the nicest of people but she adores Susie for some reason. "I'm spectacular! I'm still waiting for this one to be old enough to work for me." She says nodding at Sydney. Sydney's eyes light up. "I can't wait, Susie! I love your store so much!"

Gemma and Sydney continue walking and decide to get a drink at The Coffee Bean. "Hey, look." Sydney says nodding to Tara and Donna. "Go say hi. I'll order for you." Gemma says. Sydney walks over to them and sets a hand on Donna's shoulder. "Hey, honey!" She says pulling Sydney into her side for a hug. "Hey, guys.. how are you?"  
"We're good. How are you?" Tara asks with a smile. "I'm alright.. how was the ride? Just like you remembered?" Sydney asks excitedly. Tara blushes and Donna questions them. "Jax took me for a ride last night." She admits shyly. Donna raises her eyebrows. "You failed to mention that... _ride on what_?" She asks suggestively. Tara's eyes widen as she stifles a laugh and Sydney grimaces. " _Donna_ ," She whines, "I'm right here!"

Gemma then walks up to them and greets the two women. "Hey ladies.. mind if I borrow Tara for a minute, Donna?" Donna shakes her head. "Not at all." Tara stands and walks away with Gemma. "Is everything alright? Jax left in hurry last night." Tara nods. "Yes, everything is fine, I promise." Gemma nods. "So... you and Jax? What is this?" Tara looks down. "Nothing, Gemma. We're friends.. we're civil. We don't want any drama. I want to be there for him if he needs help with Abel.. I'm helping an old friend."  
Gemma narrows her eyes. " _An old friend?_ Tara, Jax is not 'an old friend.' He's your first love as you are his.. don't give him the wrong impression or lead him on. What's really going on here?" Tara sighs. "I just told you, Gemma.. I'd like to help him if he needs it."

"He has family for that and you know it.. something isn't adding up. You're coming up with excuses to see him and be in his life again because you're still in love with him." Gemma accuses. Tara glares at the woman before her. "Gemma, things are different now and you know it. I jus-" Gemma cuts her off. "You didn't deny it. You're still in love with Jax, Tara. I'm not blind but apparently he is." She says before walking back to Donna and Sydney. Tara bites her lip before following her.

* * *

Tara sits at the table in her kitchen drinking tea and going over her and Gemma's conversation in her head. As much as she does not want to admit that Gemma is right, she knows damn well she is. She is afraid to tell Jax because she does not know how he will take it. Of course he still loves her but he could be pissed or upset because, _after all_ , it has been twelve years.

She runs her fingers through her hair before grabbing her phone and calling Jax.  
"Hello?" He answers after three rings. "Jax. Hey... look, are you busy? I need to talk to you. It can wait if you have things going on, bu-" He interrupts her. "I'll be there in about a half hour, is that okay?"  
Tara nods before realizing he can't see her. "Yes, that's fine. I'll see you then." She hangs up. She sets her phone down and finishes drinking her tea. The minutes go by quickly because of how nervous she is. She just finishes brushing her hair and teeth as she hears a knock on her door. She opens it and steps aside so he can enter. She looks him up and down and feels a tingling sensation in her groin. _He's so sexy_.

"What's up?" He asks, still standing by her front door. Tara doesn't say a word; she can't help herself. Instead, she closes the space between them with one step and presses her mouth against his. Surprised, he doesn't kiss her back right away, but it doesn't take him long to follow suit. He wraps his arms around her waist and she puts her fingers in his hair.


	9. Chapter 8

Sorry this chapter is shorter than the last few! Loving all the reviews. I would like to ask your opinion! Anything you would like me to include? I'll consider all ideas and give them my own twist! Also, should I skip ahead at all or keep it moving the way it has been? Thanks a bunch, guys. You're the best.

* * *

Sex with men other than Jax was and still remains a disappointment. Jax set the bar very high when the two were teenagers and Tara, giving herself to Jax and Jax only before leaving Charming, learned that her expectations were a little unrealistic. She mastered fake orgasmns just so things wouldn't be awkward.

Thirty-two years old and only one man - and he was _barely_ a man at the time; just sixteen to nineteen years old - has ever gotten her off. Tara loved sex. It felt great and she was - _is_ \- in love with Jax, so what wasn't to love? But she discovered that sex isn't always what she thought it to be. Not with anyone else at least.

Jax always made sure to take care of Tara before he took care of himself; he cared about getting her to climax more than reaching his own. The men Tara slept with in Chicago were not like that. They didn't care about foreplay or any of the fun stuff before intercourse. Tara resorted to buying a toy and learned to get herself off.

Tara pulls away and looks into Jax's eyes which are filled with confusion and desire. "What was that for?" He asks. Tara bites her lip. "I really need to tell you something but I'm nervous so I kissed you instead." She admits shyly. Jax tilts his head to the side and continues to stare at her. "What are you trying to say?"  
Tara's heart starts pounding in her chest as she thinks of how he might react. Sure, he's in love with her but he could be pissed. He has every right in the world to be honestly. The last thing Tara wants is to hurt him again.

"Tara-" Jax starts but she cuts him off with another kiss and starts to back up, pulling him with her. Seeing where this is going, Jax follows her lead. Tara's back is now pressed up against her bedroom door. Jax reaches around and opens it before gently nudging her back so she can enter the room, his mouth never parting from hers.

Tara pulls Jax down once she's on her bed and flips them over so she is straddling him. His hands are on the back of her thighs but he slowly slides them up and palms her ass. She lets out a quiet moan, already knowing she is going to get what she's been missing for twelve whole years.  
"Are you sure about this?" He asks, praying she won't back out now; he's hard as a rock. Tara just nods before kissing him softly, wanting to slow down the pace. She sits up and pulls her tank top over her head and reveals one of her new black, lacy Victoria's Secret bras. Jax's hands are now on her bare back caressing her soft skin. She eases herself up so she can unbutton his jeans and pull them down. He lifts his hips and kicks off his shoes and socks to make it easier for her.

Jax then flips them over so he is on top. He removes his kutte and SAMCRO T-shirt so the only thing he is wearing are boxers. He presses his erection against her core through her jeans and she moans. He leans down to kiss her again while cupping her breasts through her bra and she plays with the elastic hem of his boxers, really wanting to take them off. He peppers hot, wet kisses down her jaw and onto her neck and she arches her back so he can finally unclasp her bra. He gently pulls it from her body and begins to massage her breasts and tweak her hardening nipples. He takes one into his mouth and rolls the other between his thumb and forefinger.

Tara can hardly contain herself. Squirming beneath him, she reaches into his boxers and begins to jack him off. Jax groans at the contact and switches breasts. Tara tugs on his boxers to let him know she wants to remove them.

He smiles in a teasing sort of way and doesn't remove his bozers. Instead, he pushes himself up, a knee still on either side of her, and unbuttons her jeans before pulling them from her legs. Tara takes a moment to thank herself for buying sexy panties to match her bras although she knows Jax wouldn't mind if she were wearing something as casual as Hanes. Jax takes in the sight of the goddess beneath him only wearing panties and leans down to kiss her again. He starts to rub her through the thin material and she bucks her hips in response, wanting more. He reaches up to fondle her breasts at the same time and she about loses it. "Mmm, Jaaax." She moans his name slowly which turns him on even more - something he didn't think was even possible at this point.

In one swift motion Jax strips her underwear from her and tosses them aside. He starts to rub her, focusing on her clit. She gasps and moans a little louder while grabbing her own breasts. Jax, surprised but loving it, groans and starts fingering her, curling his fingers to reach her g-spot. "Holy fu-!" She cuts herself off with a moan. "That feels.. _ughhh_." She groans.

Jax moves his fingers in and out of her faster and continues to flick his tongue on her swollen nub, enjoying the taste of her sweet nectar. It doesn't taken long for Tara to tighten around his fingers and find her release. She grips the sheets and arches her back while letting out a sexy moan that only Jax has ever heard. Panting, Tara smiles at the beautiful man on top of her and kisses his neck. She slowly slides her hands down his back, slipping her thumbs under the elastic of his boxers and begins to pull them down. He helps her when she can no longer reach, and Tara's eyes light up when his cock finally springs out. " _Wow_." She says in awe. Jax flashes her his signature panty-dropping smirk. "What?"

"It looks even bigger now.." She says while biting her lip. He rubs up against her and she reaches down to take him in her hand. She pumps him a few times before having him flip over so she can be on top now. Jax lies flat on his back as the beautiful woman who has had his heart since they were sixteen makes her way down his toned body. Without warning, Tara takes Jax in her mouth and begins sucking while continuing to pump the rest of his lower shaft with her hand. Jax closes his eyes and groans as Tara picks up the pace, knowing he's enjoying it. Just as she looks up at him, he looks down at her and their eyes meet. Jax closes his eyes and reluctantly pulls her up. "I won't be able to hold off if you keep doing that." He admits sheepishly.

Tara grins and kisses him and he reaches around to cup her bare ass. "I want you Jax.." She admits. Jax nods. "Are you on birth control? I don't have any condoms with me." Tara smiles and kisses him again. "I want you in that way too, but I meant that I want to _be_ with you.." She says and shyly looks away, nervous of his reaction. Jax gently cups her chin and kisses her sweetly. "I want you too, Tara."

They heatedly and passionately make out, their hands roaming each other's bodies. "I am on birth control, by the way." She says breathlessly after pulling away. She kisses his neck and he flips them over so he is on top yet again. He inserts two fingers and is pleased that she is still very wet. He pumps his dick a few times before rubbing the tip along her clit. She groans and pushes herself against him. "Please be gentle at first.. it's been a while and no one was ever as... _as big as you_." Jax nods, knowing this may be a little painful for her.

He places himself at her entrance and slowly pushes the head of his throbbing cock inside. Her sharp intake of breath makes him stop and let her adjust, but she eventually tells him to go deeper. A few more inches and he is about halfway in, and he groans at how tight she feels around him. _Jesus, did she have sex at all?_ He inserts the rest of his impressive length before pausing again so she can get used to the stretching pain. Tara starts to rock against him to let him know she wants him to give it to her, so he slowly pulls almost all the way out and then pushes back in, continuing this slow pace until Tara no longer feels a burning pain. He then positions himself differently so he will be hitting her right in her sweet spot - a place no other man has managed to find.

Tara puts her fingers in his long blonde hair while he continues to pump himself in and out, picking up the pace with each thrust. Tara's eyes nearly roll back in her head as she falls into pure bliss, and Jax looks over her, watching her breasts bounce up and down. He leans down and gently catches one of her nipples between his teeth and the moan that escapes her lips sends him over the edge. Knowing she is close to her release, he pounds her hard and fast. Relieved because he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold off, Tara tightens around him and digs her nails into his back. He finally lets go and groans as they finish together - _just like they used to_.

* * *

Jax ended up staying at Tara's last night and they had sex two more times. Sydney knew Jax was staying there and it made her happy because she knows how much he loves her. She wants things to work out for them because she believes Jax deserves to be happily in love. Also, she would love to have Tara around.. a woman other than her grandma to talk to about things - someone who might be a little more understanding.

Gemma and Sydney left early this morning to go to Jax and Wendy's old house. Both them and Jax have been cleaning it top to bottom and packing up whatever Wendy left behind and putting it in the shed. They want things to be perfect when Abel comes home and the big day is tomorrow.

Sydney makes a few trips carrying her laundry baskets of clothes inside and into her room. She's missed her purple bedroom the past months she's been living with her grandparents. She had it decorated super cute and can't wait to put it back to the way it was. She starts hanging up and folding her clothes when Jax enters the room with a box of her things from Gemma's Cadillac. He sets it on her bed. "Thanks, daddy." He nods and bends down to kiss her head. "How are you sweetheart? Sleep okay?" She nods and asks the same of him. He just grins. "What?" She asks confused.

Jax walks into the nursery where Gemma is rearranging things again; she wants it to be perfect. "Oh, hey baby. How are you doing?" She asks him. "I'm great.. how are you mom?" He asks as she kisses his cheek. "I'm fine.. are you ready for tomorrow?" She asks a little worried. He sighs. "Yeah, I suppose.. I'm happy he'll no longer be living in a hospital. I'm a little nervous though." He admits. Gemma nods and rubs his back lovingly. "I know, baby.. I'll be here whenever you need me though. We are all here for you, Jackson."

Just then they hear a bump, Sydney say "ow!", a scream and then frantic footsteps coming their way. "What? What is it?" Gemma asks concerned. "There's a spider in my closet in the corner. A big one.. I can't go back in there until I know it's gone!" Gemma sighs in relief before laughing. "Define big." Jax says while straightening out the pile of diapers under the changing table. She walks over to him and grabs his hand, tugging him along with her.

"Fuck, this thing _is_ big.. Give me a shoe or something, kid." He commands. Sydney takes her sandal off her foot and hands it to him. He smacks it and then acts like he is going to shove the shoe in her face and she jumps back. "Not funny!"

* * *

Jax, Gemma, and Sydney spent most of the day at the house getting things ready to go and are happy when they are finally satisfied with how clean it is and how it looks. Jax follows Gemma outside to smoke a cigarette. "Think you're gonna follow through with not smoking in the house?" Gemma asks. Jax nods as he takes a drag. "Yeah, I do.. I don't think it's a good idea for Abel to be around it, especially with his medical issues.. and it will make Sydney much happier." Gemma nods. "Good for you, baby. I'm so proud of you. Sydney is a beautiful young lady and Abel is going to be a healthy little boy.. so, can I ask you something?" Sydney is walking by the front door and hears what her grandmother says. She stops quietly and listens.  
Jax stubs out his cigarette and looks at his nosy mother. "Sure. Is it about Tara?" Gemma nods. "Are you guys a thing? What's going on, Jax? You stayed at her house last night. You guys are up to something."

Jax rolls his eyes. "Mom, we're adults. We aren't 'up to something.' I love her. You know that - everyone fucking knows that." Gemma nods. "I know, Jax.. I just don't want to see you get hurt again, okay? You have children you need to focus on."  
"I know. She knows that too.. we had a very long conversation last night.. she feels the same way, mom. She always has." He says before getting up. Sydney dashes across the room and throws herself on the couch but she's a second late - Jax sees her. "That was smooth.." He says laughing.

* * *

Though the house is not very big, the entire club and the old ladies crammed themselves into it for Abel's homecoming. Jax and Gemma will be arriving any minute now with Abel and everyone can hardly contain their excitement. They are very happy for Jax and his growing family.

Opie looks out the window and announces that the Cadillac is pulling up the street now and everyone erupts into cheers. Jax is the first one to enter the house holding a carseat and a sleeping Abel. "Hey, guys. He's asleep right now." He says to the large group of people in his home. He sets the carseat on the coffee table so everyone can have a look at his sleeping son.

Gemma walks in and kisses Clay on the mouth. "He's finally home, baby." Clay nods and takes a sip of his beer. "That he is. Nervous?" Gemma smiles and shakes her head. "Not so much anymore.. I think Jax can handle this. He has lots of people willing to help him anyway." She says while admiring her son smiling at his own son. She loves her boys so much. She kisses Clay one more time before speaking up.

"Sydney? Go over there and see your baby brother! I need to get some pictures of this perfect, little family!" Jax nods and motions for Sydney to come his way. "Yeah, c'mon over here." Sydney walks over and bends down next to the coffee table and stares at her sleeping brother. She gently touches his little hand and he grips her finger, still fast asleep. Sydney smiles widely as tears fill her eyes. There is a chorus of "awws" around the room as Gemma snaps a picture. Jax smiles at his two beautiful children in awe and Gemma takes another picture.

Sydney blinks and a tear rolls down her cheek. Jax is quick to wipe it away and plant a kiss on her damp face. Sydney gently removes her finger from Abel's grip and throws her arms around her father's shoulders. "I'm so happy right now, daddy." Jax returns the hug. "I know, baby. I am too. I love you so much."

* * *

A few hours later everyone left so the new family could enjoy some alone time together. Abel eventually woke up and cried because he was hungry so both Jax and Sydney took a turn feeding him. Jax changed the first diaper.

It is now nine o'clock and Jax and Sydney are standing by Abel's crib watching him sleep. "He's perfect, dad." Jax smiles and wraps an arm around his daughter. "That he is.. as are you." He says kissing the top of her head.

There is a very light knock at the door. "That's probably Tara." Jax says leaving the nursery. He opens the door for the beautiful woman and she smiles big. "Hey, how is he? I missed him at work today." She admits. Jax grins. "He's sleeping again. Want to see him?" He asks, stepping aside so she can walk through the door. "Yes, I'd love to." She grabs his hand and pulls him close to her so she can kiss him just as Sydney enters the room and sees it.

Tara flushes apologizes to Sydney as she pulls away from Jax. Jax shakes his head. "No, don't worry about it. Come on, he's in here." He says tightening his grip on her hand and leading her into Abel's bedroom. Sydney smiles as they walk by and peeks in at them standing over Abel. She is overjoyed to see her father this happy. Things feel as if they are finally falling into place. Hopefully the start of junior high next week doesn't ruin that.


	10. AN

First of all, I would like to apologize for how long it has been! I was so caught up in school and work and have been rewatching Sons actually! I need a nice recap for my story.

I have some ideas I would like to share with you if you guys are still interested in my story? I hope so! :)

I'm not sure how much of Abel's kidnapping I should include? I have many ideas panned out for after that season but don't want to spend too much/little time on that part of the series. What do you guys think?

I have Jax/Tara flashbacks, daddy-daughter moments, cute moments with Abel, and some Jax/Tara alone time coming your way.

Chapter 9 will be up sometime today since I am almost done with it and then I will start chapter 10.

\- Ellen


	11. Chapter 9

I had some technical difficulties :( It is all good now though and I'm excited to post this!

* * *

It's been three weeks since Abel's homecoming and he has been doing surprisingly well. Sydney can hardly remember a time when Jax was home so often - he's always been busy with club business. He's always made time for her though and for that she is thankful. Jackson Teller knows his priorities: family before _anything_ \- even the club.

Tara has been over often as well to visit with Abel and help Jax in anyway she can. She often wonders how she managed to go twelve whole years without this beautiful man she loves so much.  
Whenever Jax is busy with club business - which is still often - Gemma watches Abel if Tara is busy or working. She wanted Jax to have a son from the start and is overjoyed with being able to spoil her little biker boy.

Clay and Jax have been on bad terms for a while now and still argue over Opie's commitment and loyalty to the club. Jax knows Opie better than just about anyone besides Donna maybe: Opie is the farthest thing from a rat. He has a wife and children to provide for and look after and is struggling to make enough money while still putting work in for the club. Things were rough when he went to prison and not much has improved since he's been out; he has a lot of lost time to makeup for and Clay just doesn't seem to understand that. Jax is infuriated by it.

Gemma isn't too happy about Jax jumping right back into Tara's arms so soon but she's dealing with it. Despite how much she (Tara) hurt him, Gemma knows she makes him truly happy. That's all she's ever wanted for her son, but she doesn't want him to be distracted because he has "children and a club to worry about." _Believe it or not,_ Gemma can be a selfish bitch at times.

* * *

Most of Sydney's nervousness turned into excitement Sunday night before school. She claimed it was because being in seventh grade is a big deal: texting and dating become "important", girls experiment with makeup and hair, boys actually start caring about how they smell, everyone is going through puberty, etc. Tara was very amused by Sydney's explanation but Jax just tried not to think about Sydney being interested in boys already.

Sydney got up earlier than she did last school year because she wanted to make sure she looked pretty. She herself has actually taken an interest in makeup. Not too long after summer began, Sydney asked Gemma for eyeshadow (wasn't allowed dark colors),mascara, and eyeliner. She's been wearing it ever since but Gemma can be picky about how much she applies.

Tara stayed the night and watched Abel while Jax took Sydney to school. Sydney became a tiny bit nervous again in the car but brushed it off. Jax made sure to tell her she looked beautiful because she kept checking her appearance. She thanked him before kissing his cheek and waving goodbye.

* * *

Present day:

Gemma and Clay are still getting used to living alone again. Clay loves Sydney just about more than anything but he's happy to be comfortable in his own home again. Gemma jumped him the first night they were finally alone again and he couldn't get enough of her.

Clay sits down at the head of the large dining room table and sighs while opening and closing his sore fists. "How're the hands, baby?" Gemma asks while setting a cup of coffee in front of him and kissing him real quick on the mouth. "A little sore.. not too bad though. How are you this morning, my love?" He asks before sipping the hot coffee.

"I'm good.. last night was fun, huh?" She says suggestively, earning a wink in response. "Sure was. What's on your agenda today, Gem?" Gemma sighs while going over in her head what needs done today. "Well, Abel is going to be dropped off here around 11:45 since Tara works at noon. We are going to hang out here for a little while, pick Sydney up from school and take her to dance class, and then we're heading to the shop." Clay nods, taking her hand and kissing it. "Sounds great, grandma."

Clay called her that when everyone found out that Jax knocked someone up and she flipped her lid. She claimed she was too young to be a grandmother. Jax shot back with, "You were too young to be a mother, too, ma'."  
Gemma has loved being called grandma ever since Sydney first managed to say " _gwamma" -_ it melted her cold heart.

* * *

It's 9AM and Jax has until 10 before he has to be at the Clubhouse. Tara just finished feeding, burping, and rocking to sleep a cranky, tired Abel. She gently puts him in his crib and walks out to the kitchen where Jax is leaning against the counter shirtless. He's wearing sweatpants that hang sexily from his waist and expose his V lines and happy trail. Tara takes in the sight, a smirk playing on her lips. "He's sleeping again. He must not have slept well through the night." Jax nods, running his fingers through his long, blonde hair.

Tara looks at the clock on the wall and sighs. "I'm going to shower, okay?" She says and he nods again, walking over to hug and kiss her. Tara pulls away with a smile and leaves the kitchen. She grabs her bag from the bedroom and goes into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. She hasn't officially moved in. She stayed at home the past couple of nights so she could get some work done and pack some things up, which is why she has a bag with her work clothes in it.

She strips down, leaving her clothes a pile on the floor. She turns on the water and lets it run until she's satisfied with the temperature. Jax quietly opens the door, not wanting her to know he's there. He stares as she slowly washes herself, the soapy water running down her wet body. He grows stiff and steps out of his sweats. He gets in the shower and wraps his arms around her and she leans against him. "Hey, perv." She giggles. He kisses her neck and caresses her breasts, saying nothing.

Tara lays her head back against his shoulder so he has better access to her neck. He sucks on her sweet spot and she lets out a moan. She rubs her ass against his erection and he stops sucking on her neck to release a groan deep within his throat. Jax remembers he has less than an hour now and decides not to waste any time. He presses on her back with an open palm to let her know he wants her to bed over.

Tara accidentally knocks the bar of soap off the little rack that is built into the wall but doesn't bother to pick it up. Instead she grips the rack so she can balance herself. Jax palms her ass before giving it a good _smack_ and she moans again.  
Jax uses both hands to spread her cheeks before rubbing his dick between them, up and down. He inserts two fingers to see if she's wet enough before slowly sliding himself in. Tara gasps and grips the rack even harder.

Jax holds onto her hips and starts pumping in and out until he finds a good rhythm. Tara's moaning makes him pump harder and he notices that she feels even tighter in this position because he's able to go deeper. She groans his name when he reaches around to fondle her breasts and he feels like he might explode any minute. He isn't used to cumming so soon. Everything is different with Tara though - he loves her so much.

Jax holds off until he feels Tara clench around him, knowing he should pick up the pace so she can reach her climax. He stops playing with her breasts and grips her hips again, pulling her against him with each thrust. Tara moans continuously as she starts cumming around him. Satisfied, Jax finally lets go and orgasms so intensely that he's almost embarrassed by the amount of moans and groans he lets slip past his lips.

* * *

Gemma pulls up in front of Charming Middle School and unlocks the doors so Sydney can get in. "How was school, baby?" Gemma asks her as she drives towards the dance studio. "It was fine.. I have a project to do and present next Friday though which sucks. How was your day?"  
"It was good. Abel has been awake for a while now and should sleep good tonight." Sydney smiles and turns around to look at the wide-eyed child. "Hi, Abel." She coos.

"Tara told me to tell you that she is picking you up from dance since she gets off at the same time and should only be a few minutes late." Gemma informs her granddaughter.  
"Thanks, grandma! She says as she kisses Gemma's cheek and hops out of the car. "Love you both!"

* * *

"No, man. I'm _telling_ you. Ima is crazy... she gives amazing blow jobs though." Tig says to Juice and Happy who are working on a car.  
"I second that." Happy says not even looking up. Juice laughs. "Pigs."

Opie, who is rummaging around for a certain tool, scoffs. "Don't act like you wouldn't nail her, Juice." Jax looks up from the paperwork on the counter and laughs as Juice blushes. Clay enters the garage. "How's it going, boys? We have Church tonight after we close this place down, okay? Don't be late."

Gemma pulls up and is greeted by Jax who kisses her cheek. "How is he?"  
"Wide awake." Gemma smirks. Jax removes the car seat from her vehicle. "Hey, little man."  
Juice is at Jax's side in a second smiling from ear to ear. "What's up bro?" Jax asks him. Juice blushes again. "Ah.. nothing. I just really love babies." Jax gives him a funny look before clapping him on the back and grinning.

Jax takes Abel into the office to Gemma so he can return to work. After he's back to the paperwork Piney approaches him. "You did good, son.. I'm happy for you and Tara. I hope it all works out this time." He says a little awkwardly, not making much eye-contact. Compliments aren't typically his thing. "Thanks, old man." Jax says as they briefly hug.

* * *

Tara just finished surgery and is filling out paperwork when an administrator approaches her. "Hello, Dr. Knowles. You've been doing amazing and I would like to personally thank you. Any luck on finding a house?"  
Tara sets down her pen and shakes the woman's hand. "Thank you. And not so much yet but I have been looking." Tara smiles although that is a small lie.  
The woman smiles kindly. "I understand - it can be hard to find the perfect place."

Tara was able to get off a half hour early and is now parked in front of the dance studio. Curious, she gets out of her car and goes inside. She scans the range of girls in leotards until she finds Sydney and smiles. Tara watches them dance, noting how graceful and serious they are.

Ten minutes later class is over and the girls disperse around the room to their bags and start pulling clothes on over their leotards. Sydney notices Tara and grins before walking over and taking her hair out of the ballerina bun. "Hey, what are you doing here?" She asks smiling.  
"Well, I got off work a little early and decided to pop in and see what this is all about. I hope you don't mind." Tara blushes.  
"No, no. I don't mind!" Sydney pulls on a pair of navy blue athletic shorts with a white stripe down the side and a white t-shirt with the name and logo of the dance studio on it. She slips on her flip-flops and grabs her bag before following Tara out the door.

They arrive at Teller-Morrow around 5:10 and make their way into the garage where Jax is talking to Opie.  
Jax kisses Tara real quick and squeezes his daughter's shoulder. "How was your day?"  
"It was good actually." Sydney smiles. " _Actually_? Does that mean you usually have a bad day?" Opie teases her. She dramatically exhales. "School can be such a drag sometimes, Uncle Ope. I have to present next Friday.. that makes me nervous." Opie sets his hand on her back. "You'll do great, baby."

* * *

Tara knocks on the office door and waits for Gemma to say "it's open." She walks in and sits down next to Abel's carseat and sighs." Gemma smiles as she's typing away on the computer. "Long day, doc?"  
Tara contemplates whether or not Gemma is the right person she should be confiding in about this. "Not really.. I just need to figure out what I'm doing with my house." Gemma stops typing and looks at Tara. "When do you have to be out of it?"  
"It's not that I have to be out of it because I can stay there if I want to and own it, but I have to have my decision made within the next month. I really need to start looking at homes because it's just not the one for me." Tara replies, picturing Kohn's dead body.

"Move in with Jax." Gemma says as she goes back to typing. Tara just stares at her. "I don't know.. why are you suggesting that? You don't like me, remember?" Gemma smirks before getting serious. "Tara, of course I was pissed. I'm still trying to move on from it because he's my baby and it killed me to see him like that. I haven't seen him like this in a long time.. his happiness is important to me and you're the missing piece, baby."

Tara bites her lip. "Wow.. well thanks, Gemma. That means a lot. It's just that I don't know if it's such a good idea to move in yet.. we just got back together. Plus, I don't want to upset Sydney in anyway or make her uncomfortable."  
Gemma stops typing again to look at the woman who has always had her son's heart. "Are you kidding me? Sydney absolutely adores you, Tara. She sees the effect you have on her daddy. She wants him to be happy too. I know it's soon but you love him, right? You guys aren't kids anymore. People your age don't usually get into a serious relationship without hoping it will turn into something more.. are you having doubts?"  
Tara's eyes widen at the accusation. "No, of course not, Gemma. I love Jax more than I've ever loved anyone or anything.. and I don't think I could change that even if I wanted to. I don't think he's 'the one.' I _know_ he is."

Gemma smiles - _a genuine smile_ \- and stands to take Tara in her arms. Tara returns the hug and both of the woman think back to when they had a good relationship; a time when Gemma was like a mother to Tara.

 _"You have flour all over you!" Gemma laughs as she starts patting Tara, a cloud of flour forming around them. They both giggle as they start cleaning up their mess._  
 _"Thanks again for this, Gemma. I just really want to surprise him and make him smile. He deserves it." Tara says hugging her. Gemma kisses her flour-dusted hair as she returns the hug. "You're welcome, baby. I enjoyed this alone time with you - we should do it more often. I was so happy I didn't have a girl but you're making me think otherwise.." Gemma winks._

 _The oven beeps and Gemma checks the cookies - oatmeal raisin; Jax's favorite to Tara's surprise. "Just another minute or so." Gemma observes. "He told me he would call me when he gets home. When did he say that would be? I'm so anxious for him to get here!"_  
 _Gemma grins. "He should be here in about a half hour, honey. Do you mind if I ask you something? I think I already know the answer but I just want to be sure."_  
 _Tara's heart drops, nervous for whatever might be coming her way. "Sure." She says as confidently as she can manage. "You guys are being safe, right? I'm not ready for grandkids just yet.. I'm too young for that shit." Tara blushes crimson but laughs it off - it's girl talk, right? "Yes, we are. I promise."  
_

* * *

Tara just put Abel to bed when Jax walks in the door at 10:15. "You look exhausted, babe." She observes. He half smiles before wrapping her in a hug. "I am. Thank you so much for all that you have done. I really appreciate it. I love you so much." He says before kissing her passionately. Tara smiles and rests her head on his shoulder. "I love you too, Jackson. You don't have to thank me. I want to be here and help you **."**

 **"** How was work?" He asks as he releases her. Tara automatically thinks of the issue with the house and frowns but instantly regrets it. "What's wrong?" He asks concerned. She smiles so he doesn't worry. "Nothing, everything is fine." Even to her own ears it sounds unconvincing. He takes both of her hands in his and waits for her to say more. "I just need to decide what I'm gonna do with the house. I still have a month to confirm my decision but that's not really a lot of time. I know I don't want to live there but that's a lot easier than trying to find another home. 2008 has not been kind to the house market."  
Jax nods and gives her hands a light squeeze. "Any ideas at all?" He asks. She shakes her head but kisses him lightly on his lips. "Not really." He kisses her again and deepens the kiss by parting his lips. They wrap their arms around each other and slowly make out.

Sydney dances around her room with her earbuds in before deciding to get a snack. She leaves her room and continues to move a little to the music as she makes her way to the kitchen. She glances at her father and Tara as she passes the living room and sees that Tara is flushed and they both look surprised to see her. She knows that look - she knows she must have interrupted something. Jax says something but she couldn't hear him so she removes one of her earbuds. "Sorry, what?"  
"What are you doing?" He asks her again. She stares at him, confused as to why he would ask that. "Getting a snack... what are you doing?" He gives her look before shrugging. "Shouldn't you be in bed, little girl?"  
Sydney puts her hand on her hip and shifts all her weight to one leg, sassy as ever. "I don't have school tomorrow, dad. Remember? Teacher inservice day and a three-day weekend. Plus, it's not all that late anyway.." Tara grins at Jax and he raises his eyebrows. "Okay then, Miss Thang..."

* * *

Jax finishes brushing his teeth and enters his bedroom in only a towel. Tara, whom is already in bed reading a book, looks up at the sexy man she's so in love with. Jax notices her staring before dropping his towel and grabbing sweats from the dresser. "Staring is rude, y'know." He teases her as he slips his pants on. Tara smiles as she marks her page and closes the book. "Well, you're pretty easy on the eyes. I just can't help it." Jax bends down to kiss her. "You're not so bad yourself, babe. Why don't you move in with me?"

Tara was not expecting that and is caught off guard. "You sound like your mother... she said the same thing to me today." Jax looks surprised. "Really? Hmph.. that's a sign." He grins before taking her hand and kissing her knuckles.  
"I just don't want to intrude.. or make anyone uncomfortable. Sydney mostly.. I love you so much Jax and I don't want anything to ruin what we have going for us.. you don't think it's too soon?" She asks nervously.

Jax smirks. "Personally, I think it's too _late._ I want to be with you Tara.. we would eventually live together anyway, right? Sydney will be fine - she's highly fond of us and you in general.. and I really like having another woman around other than just my mom. Sydney's getting to that age." Jax shutters. "And I don't know how I am going to go through that on my own. I'm not a girl - I don't understand all that bullshit." Tara laughs before kissing him. "Well, in that case, yes. You're right - we'd eventually live together so why not do it now." Jax's entire face lights up and he hugs her close. "I love you, Tara Grace. I'm going to kiss Abel and tell Sydney good night if she's still awake."

Jax quietly enters Abel's room and looks down at the snoozing angel. He ever so softly caresses his baby's cheek before speaking. "I love you so much, son. I'm so happy you're okay." He continues to stare at the peaceful child until he hears movement in Sydney's bedroom which is adjacent to her little brother's.

Sydney's just finished going through her closet and dresser and removing clothes she no longer wears. She stares at the messy pile in the middle of her room when she hears a knock on her door. "Come in." She says as she gracefully kneels beside the pile of clothes. Jax enters and looks back and forth between her and the pile. "I just went through everything.. can we take these clothes to Goodwill?" She asks as she picks through them again. "Yeah, just bag them up. I came to say goodnight." He says as he extends his hand to her. She takes it and is pulled up into him for a hug. He bends to kiss the top of her head. "I love you. Goodnight and sweet dreams. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

Sydney nods while continuing to hug him. "I won't. I love you too, daddy." Jax lets go of her bug she continues to hug him. He strokes her soft hair. "Everything okay, baby?" She nods against him and pulls away. "Everything is fine.. really fine. I'm happy that you're happy." Jax suddenly lifts her into his arms and holds her close. "You've always made me happy, Sydney. I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you didn't." Sydney rests her head in the crook of his neck. "I know I have daddy. But you're complete now and things seem to be looking up. I really like Tara and I know she'll make a great _old lady_." They both laugh and squeeze each other tighter.

* * *

Thanks for reviewing - you guys seriously are amazing. Happy Holidays to all. :)


	12. Chapter 10

Tara could hardly contain her excitement about finally getting out of her temporary home and moving in with Jax and his kids. The past month has been very difficult on her because all she can think about while in that house is Kohn's lifeless body bleeding out onto her bathroom floor - eyes still wide open; as if he was _still_ watching her every move. She failed to mention to Jax the horrific nightmares she'd started having just two weeks ago. She tells herself they will go away once she's out of that house, no longer sleeping a mere five feet away from the crime scene. Plus, why worry Jax when he already has only God knows how many things on his plate? Tara's tough as nails, but, as ridiculous as it may sound, she feels that Kohn is punishing her from his makeshift grave, _wherever the hell it is anyway_. Jax spared her any details, because, truly, _the less she knows the better_.

"Doctor Knowles? Hello, how are you?" Asks a woman from another department in the hospital - the same woman who set her up with the temporary free housing and offered her the job she has. She doesn't even give Tara a chance to respond before jumping into the reason she tracked her down on the third floor in the middle of her shift. "Congratulations on finding a new home. I know how hard it can be! Do you have any idea when you're going to be settling in? Sorry to sound so intrusive," the woman blushes as Tara tries her darndest to comb through her memory for her name. "It's just that I have another doctor who will be arriving in two months and need to know what will be available for them." Tara smiles warmly. "I have already started moving out actually - I should be out by the end of this week!" Surprised, the woman laughs. "Oh wow! That's fast, where are you moving?!" Tara immediately flushes crimson, knowing this woman doesn't know a wink of her history with Jax. _Oh brother._ _She's going to think I'm moving in with someone I just met_. "I'm actually moving in with someone." The woman fails at hiding her judgement but Tara shakes it off knowing she doesn't know anything about her past and how she grew up in Charming.

A few days pass and it's now Sunday morning. Sydney sits with a sleeping Abel in his carrier next to her as Tara, Jax, and Opie stand nearby in Tara's kitchen deciding which of Tara's furniture she will be keeping and what she's going to sell/donate. "Well," Jax starts, "some of the things left in the house belong to Wendy so I need to get them out and put into storage. Furniture wise, that leaves us with a bed, nightstand, and one dresser in the bedroom. The living room furniture is mine which works out since you're just renting your furniture right now." Tara nods. "Okay, I'll definitely be bringing my dresser and vanity then.. also my nightstand. The couches are going back to Rent-A-Center, I will bring my kitchen table and chairs, my lamps...?" Now Jax is the one to nod. "Listen, Wendy and I bought a lot of things together, like silverware, plates, cups, etc,, rugs, shower curtains and other bathroom shit, home decor - but she can have them all if you don't want to get rid of your stuff and also want to buy new things." Grateful, Tara smiles. "Thanks, Jax. That actually makes this a lot easier. But, I just bought my bed when I moved here... so that's going to be the hardest blow for me. It is only a full though so it wouldn't be all that comfortable for the two of us" Tara laughs.

Just then Sydney clears her throat as if to say she has a suggestion. The three turn to look at her with raised eyebrows. "I'll take your full size bed!" Tara turns to Jax for his approval and he shrugs. "I mean, yeah, if you're okay with her having it?" "Of course I am. As long as it's being put to use then I'll be happy." Opie, acting like a teenage boy by turning something innocent into something dirty, chuckles. Tara cracks a grin and Sydney even laughs. Jax, although it _is_ funny, tries his best to keep a straight face because the thought of Sydney putting a bed "to use" in that way spikes his blood pressure. "Well, in that case, the bed won't be, _by any means_ , put to good use."

A knock on the door shifts the attention to something else other than Sydney ever having sex in her soon-to-be bed and for that she is grateful. Tara opens the door to let Gemma, Clay, Bobby, Tig, and Happy in. "Let's get this done, boys. It's a hot one and a beer by the pool is calling my name" Gemma says as she perches her large, designer sunglasses on top of her head. "Oh, hell yeah, baby" says Clay before giving her a kiss. Sydney wrinkles her face up in disgust at her grandfather's gesture. "Ew, Papa! I guess I won't be asking if I can go to your house to swim." Clay and Gemma laugh. "You know you can come over whenever, baby" Clay tells her. "Yeah," Gemma says, "these guys are going to be there anyway" she briefly points to Bobby, Tig, and Happy.

Gemma feeds Abel as the guys start loading the truck and the van with things that are going to Jax's house. "Clay had me thinking there was a lot more work to do than this" Bobby says as he and Opie carry out Tara's vanity and place it in the bed of the truck. "That's what I was just thinking" says Happy on their tail with the nightstand. "I'm pretty sure we are only going to have to make one trip with each vehicle since the couches a few other things stay. Tara just wants everything she's leaving behind to be brought out into the living room to make it easier later" Opie informs them.

Back in the house Clay and Tig each grab an end of the mattress and take it outside. Tara follows Jax into the bedroom to help him grab the boxsprings but he stops her. "We got this, babe" he says before kissing her and hauling the boxsprings through the house and out the front door. Tara awkwardly walks towards Gemma, Sydney, and Abel and has a seat with them. "Get used to it, baby. They do the heavy lifting and we sit and look pretty." Gemma jokes with a wink. Both Sydney and Tara laugh.

The guys get the rest of the stuff loaded into the van and truck and strapped down before moving what's being left behind into the living room. "Alright, let's get this over to my house and unloaded boys." Jax commands as he ushers everyone out the door. Tara makes sure all the lights are off and all the windows and doors are locked. She takes one last look into the bedroom where half of Kohn's body was laying while the top half was laying in the bathroom. Her stomach turns and she closes the door. She locks the front door behind her before following everyone outside. They all spread out into four different vehicles and arrive at Jax's house within seven minutes. It takes them twenty minutes to unload and move things around in the house to make everything fit. "Well, while we're all here, why don't we get Wendy's shit outta here and into a unit?" Opie suggests, wanting to help his best friend as much as possible. Tara and Jax look at each other. "Yeah, that would be great, Ope" Jax slaps him on the back.

* * *

Three hours later and it's now noon. Tara's things are now arranged and Jax is putting away the silverware, dishes, cups, and pots and pans. Tara's currently washing her bedding so it's clean for Sydney tonight while tiding up and keeping any eye on Abel since he's been fussy the last hour or so.  
"Thanks again for letting me keep your bed. I'm so excited to be able to comfortably sleep like a starfish" Sydney gushes. Tara giggles while throwing the wet bedding into a basket to be taken outside to dry out on the line. "You're ever so welcome." Sydney takes Tara by surprise by hugging her. "I am so happy you're with my dad and that you're living here with us. It means the world to me!" Tara tries her best to compose herself but she cannot help that her eyes fill with tears. "I am happy to be here, too, honey. I wouldn't want it any other way!"

The entire Club is at their President's house swimming and grilling out. Gemma is sitting along side the pool with Tara, Donna, Sydney and, of course, little Abel. "Thanks for inviting us over, Gem. Things have been rough on us and I'm just really happy to see Kenny and Ellie enjoying themselves" Donna admits. Gemma smiles. "You're welcome, baby. You guys are always welcome here." A scream followed by a splash and bursts of laughter draw their attention back to the pool. Ellie emerges from the water after being thrown into the air by Opie. "Be careful with her, Ope!" Donna shouts although she is unsuccessfully holding in her giggles due to the look on her daughter's face.  
"Oooh! Me next, me next!" Yells Kenny.

Tara stands up and fans herself. "Wow, it's hot. I think I am going to get in now." She walks towards the stairs in the shallow end and stays towards the edges of the pool to avoid the grown men who are acting like little boys by splashing and tackling each other. Jax joins her and gives her a quick kiss.  
Sydney had watched Tara as she walked away and was staring at the tattoo on her lower back. "Did she get that when she was with Daddy the first time? The tattoo?" Sydney asks Gemma and Donna. They both nod. "I almost forgot about that" Donna admits. Gemma smirks. "I sure as hell didn't. You were there weren't you?"  
Donna nods. "Yep, I was. So was Jax and Opie. We were all drunk off our asses that night and only seventeen. We went up to Kelly's shop. (A woman who has done a lot of tattoo work on the club) Tara puked half way through it because it hurt so damn bad." Gemma laughs. I'm sure it did - that's a sensitive spot.

Sydney remains lounging out on a sun chair while Donna and Gemma sit under a large umbrella with Abel to keep the sun off of him. Sydney fiddles with the top of her bathing suit, tugging on it. "Looks like you're growing outta that top, huh?" Her grandmother observes. Sydney flushes but is secretly grateful that it is actually noticeable. "Get in the pool, baby. I think I am going to take Abel in so he can enjoy the air conditioning. It's too hot for him to be sitting out here." Sydney nods as she stands up and takes her sunglasses off. She walks to the deep end and dives in followed by Donna.  
The rest of the day is filled with swimming, beer, juice boxes, barbecuing, s'mores, lightening bug catching, and good company. Tara leans against Jax hours after they've gotten out of the pool for the day and smiles at all the people surrounding her. Kenny, Ellie, and Sydney are laughing hysterically with Happy, Juice, and Half Sack while playing red hands. Bobby, Tig, Chibbs, and Piney are reminiscing over a bottle of whiskey. Clay and Gemma are cuddled up on the cushioned bench swing admiring their grandson. Opie and Donna are enjoying themselves and delighted to see their children actually acting like children. _I truly have missed this_.

* * *

So, if anyone is even reading this.. I know it's been forever since I have updated this story. It's been over 18 months! And for that I am so sorry. I got so carried away with getting back together with my longtime boyfriend and trying to decide what I want to do with my life and moving into my first apartment and getting a new job and putting a lot of hours in! Wow, what a run-on sentence.  
Recently I have been getting back into it and I totally understand if no one wants to reread it and follow along. I am doing this because I truly enjoy it and honestly have been having SOA withdraws. I'm sad the series ended a few years ago. It was something to look forward to and I really miss it! Writing again has helped fill the void, LOL. But anyway, if you read it and you like it - thank you! That means the world to me. I already have the next chapter written. I just have to read it over and edit it and then it'll be onto the next one! :)


	13. Chapter 11

It's been a little over four months since Tara moved in with Jax and everyone met at Clay and Gemma's. Everyone had such a good time and _it isn't until now that some are worried that night may end up being an important part of their memories of_ _everyone gathered together.._

Everything is a blur to Sydney as she catches wind of Donna's shooting. She barely has time to even react because SAMCRO calls for a lockdown as she is sitting on her grandparent's couch in shock. "Grandma? Grandma, is she going to be okay?" Sydney asks quietly, almost unable to find her voice. "I don't know, baby. All I know is that we have to get our asses to the club house immediately. We don't know who did this and have no idea whether or not anyone else is in danger. Come on, get up" Gemma commands. She grabs Sydney's hands and pulls her to her feet. " _Now_ , Sydney. We have to go. We will have more information soon."

Gemma and Sydney arrive at the club house and Chibs unlocks the door for them and locks it back up behind them. "Any news? Neither Clay or Jax answered my damn phone call" Gemma says annoyed. "Aye. Well, Unser said there was an eyewitness. He said that a man in mask driving a black SUV pulled up and fired a few shots. Donna must've bent down or somethin' because none of the shots hit her the first time. She floored it but was shot in her attempt to get away. She was shot from the angle of the driver side window since she turned left - two shots grazed her dangerously close to her spine and one grazed her upper arm.. the other went into it. She crashed after being shot and the shooter drove off, the fuckin' bastard. Probably thought he killed her. She had passed out from shock by the time the EMTs got there, but she wasn't dead."

"Jesus Christ, I hope she's going to be okay. And Ope? His kids? Who the fuck did this? This couldn't have been meant for Donna!" Gemma says through gritted teeth.  
Chibs sighs. "It definitely wasn't for Donna... it had to've been meant for Opie. A mess and filled with rage, that he is. He's at the hospital with Clay and Jax. Clay said he will call whenever we have any news. His kids are asleep in Opie's room. They don't know yet... Opie rushed here and Happy and I carried them inside - they were barely awake thankfully. We want Opie to be the ones to talk to them."  
Gemma nods, knowing it's best that they let them sleep free of worry. "I'm going to go check on them. The poor babies" she says, tears finally pooling in her eyes, as she walks off down the hall.

The shock of the situation starts to fade and Sydney is able to process what happened.. She tries her best not to cry loud - she wants to be strong because everyone needs that from each other right now. Plus, she doesn't want to worry Kenny and Ellie if they happen to wake up before their dad gets here. She prays that Donna will be okay and that her kids will still have a mom and Opie will still have a wife. She can't relate in the way of being afraid to lose her mother, but she still feels for them. She wouldn't know what to do if something like this had happened to Gemma.  
 _Why would anyone want to kill Opie though? Is the club in danger? What about dad and papa?_ She cries harder _._  
Sydney is young - she doesn't know or understand most of the things the club does. She has heard conversations she wasn't supposed to, but she never really has any idea what they're talking about. And that.. _that_ is for the best. It isn't until Sydney gets a little older that she knows (part of) the extent of the club's illegal businesses, crimes, and murders.

Sydney recalls that hot Sunday in September they moved Tara in with them and is so happy Donna had such a good time with everyone.  
 _Stop thinking that way, Sydney. Stop thinking as if she is already dead. You don't know that. People survive gunshot wounds all the time..  
_ There have been some bumps in the road since that night. For instance, Wendy showed up and stirred the pot by trying to get in between Jax and Tara. Gemma even played part in that whole charade much to Sydney's dismay.

 _Jax gets home late on a Tuesday evening. He steps out of his shoes and slips out of his kutte and hangs it up. He makes his way through the quiet, cozy house and discovers that Tara has just laid Abel down in his crib. "Hey, babe" he says as he hugs her from behind and kisses her head. She leans into him but doesn't respond. "So, how was your day?" He asks her as they head to their bedroom. "Fine... accept for the fact that Wendy showed up at work and went off on me. I guess I was supposed to tell her that I was sleeping with her husband." Jax sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'll deal with her" he says. Tara snorts, "it won't do any good. She has Gemma, who apparently **still** hates me, wrapped around her finger. She said Gemma will never let us be together and that she's putting on a front."_  
 _"Why are you so worried about what Wendy has to say? Besides, Gemma has no control over us. We're adults. We can do what we want." Tara, obviously not buying it, rolls her eyes. "Gemma controls everything! She has ahold of every man in town by the fucking balls."_  
 _"Not mine! Tara, **I'm telling you** , don't worry about it. I love you and I know you don't want Wendy around or Gemma trying to get between us and in your head, but we will get through this. I'll deal with it. Just keep doing what you're doing and don't let them get to you."_  
 _Little do they know, Sydney is awake and listening to their whole conversation. Sydney frowns and doesn't want to believe her grandmother is still acting this way towards Tara.. although she honestly wouldn't put it past her. One thing to know about Gemma is that when she hates someone, **look out**. Because she will make your life a living hell and be damn good at it. But when she loves someone, **my God, when she loves** , there isn't anything she wouldn't do to protect them. She would walk the ends of the Earth and swim the oceans for the ones she loves. And that is something to truly admire._

 _Sydney hears Tara sniffeling and feels sorry for her. "Come here, babe" Jax says. Sydney is unable to hear Tara's muffled response. "I know, baby. I'm not mad at you. I love you too."_  
 _Things were awkward when either Jax or Tara were in the same room with Gemma for about a month after that night. Sydney listened in on that argument too; the one between her father and his mother. This argument was much worse though because Jax, **like his mother** , is a hothead. There was a bunch of yelling ending with a door being slammed. Jax didn't want anything to do with her for weeks and Sydney felt torn because seeing her grandmother upset was hard - even if it **was** her own damn fault._

 _Sydney thought better of confronting Gemma about going behind their backs and taking sides with Wendy The Junkie. She knew someday she would be able to stand her ground against her but that wasn't today. Or even the next day. Or even next month. But, she knew someday she'd find her voice._

She also recalls how her mother never bothered to show up for her birthday this year. She didn't even call her or send her a card. Not even a stupid text message.

 _Sydney smiles as Tara pulls up in front of Charming Middle School. She opens the door to her Cutlass and gets in. "How was your first day of school as a teenager?" Tara asks. Sydney laughs, "it was good! I aced my Algebra test and we watched a movie in English. Plus, I don't have any homework!"_  
 _"That's awesome! Are you ready to party tonight?" Tara giggles. Sydney snorts, "yeah, more like 'am I ready to watch people party tonight?'"_  
 _Tara can't help but notice that something seems off with Sydney and that she keeps checking her cell phone._

 _The boys are just getting out of church as Tara and Sydney enter the clubhouse. There is a chorus of "Happy Birthdays" and she thanks everyone with a laugh. Jax approaches her and acts like he is going to embrace her in a hug. Instead he takes her by surprise by lifting her up in one swift motion and throwing her over his shoulder. She shrieks and laughs, "Dad!"_  
 _Just then Gemma enters the clubhouse to see Sydney. **Smack**. Sydney knew it was coming before it even happened. Yes, that's right, Gemma gave her a birthday spank. "Hey!" She yells and she tries to wriggle free from her father's grip. "You're just lucky I'm not giving you twelve - **eleven** \- more!" Gemma says as she does it again. Jax laughs and sets his daughter on the ground and actually hugs her this time. "Happy Thirteenth Birthday, beautiful."_

 _Later that night things are poppin' at the clubhouse in honor of Sydney's birthday. Every year on or over the closest weekend to Halloween they have a huge party. Members from other charters and their old ladies even come. Crow eaters are there too of course because girls like that don't turn down parties._

 _Sydney is dancing with a few long time crow eaters - they started coming around when they were just sixteen. Myra, a spunky, brunette with a little too much makeup on and perfect teeth is jumping up and down and grinding on Felicity. Felicity is your typical blonde bombshell with low self esteem. Her boobs are nearly falling out of her top. Typical as ever, she is dressed as a sexy school teacher. She's wearing a white, cropped button up that ties just beneath her boobs, a plaid mini skirt, white stockings that reach her knees and black high heels. Myra is basically wearing the same outfit but she's dressed as a sexy cop instead. "I can't wait until we can get you drunk, Syd! Don't tell your dad - actually, no - don't tell **Gemma** I said that" she giggles and takes a swig of the beer in her hand. "Maybe he will let me get drunk for my sweet sixteen?" Sydney thinks allowed as she bumps to the music. She can't help but feel a little out of place wearing twice as much clothes as they are, and she herself is wearing a tank top and shorts that are a little shorter than bermudas, but longer than "short shorts."_

 _Juice walks by and is stopped by Myra. She turns him around and commands him to put his hands behind his back. "Someone's been a **bad** boy.." she giggles, obviously a little too drunk. She handcuffs him and nudges him towards the dorms. Sydney looks at Felicity who just laughs and finishes off her beer. I'm probably going to go join them, babe. I hope you have a good birthday!" She hugs her before chasing after them._

 _"Everyone gather around here!" Gemma shouts after turning down the music. "It's time to sing to the birthday girl!" She says as she places three, beautiful homemade chocolate cakes on the bar. "Get your ass over here, Syd!" Gemma commands. Sydney shyly makes her way through the crowd of members, old ladies, crow eaters, and close family friends. Jax is sitting on a barstool and signals for her to stand by him. Gemma dims the lights and lights the candles and they sing her Happy Birthday. She blows out the candles after making a wish. **This year she wishes for Tara to stick around and be apart of the family**. There is a chorus of "woos!" and clapping. "What'd you wish for?" Bobby asks her. "I can't tell you or it won't come __true!" Sydney laughs. Jax wraps an arm around her and kisses her head. Gemma snaps a candid picture of this moment. "Okay, now smile for the camera, kids" she says to her son and granddaughter._

 _After a bunch of other pictures were taken to help remember a good night and everyone had eaten a slice of chocolate cake Sydney continues to hang around the bar with her dad, Tara, Opie, and Donna. Though there is a tug in her chest, she cannot deny that she had a good night - she always does when she is surrounded by everyone she loves._

 _Sydney holds in her emotions for two days but Sunday afternoon gets to her. She's been outside the club house playing catch and monkey in the middle with Kenny and Ellie. A while later Donna shows up to see the kids and talk to Opie. "Mommy!" They run to her and wrap their arms around her. She holds them close and smiles. "Hey, kids. I missed you guys! Are you having fun here with dad and everyone?"_

 _Sydney feels a jealous lump in her throat forming and walks off before anyone notices the tears welling up in her eyes. She forces herself not to run because she doesn't want to bring any attention to herself. She makes her way up to her father's favorite spot on the roof and lets all the tears she's been holding in since Friday fall. Her mom has never been around much and she has come to accept that over the years. The issue though is that she usually at least calls and wishes her a Happy Birthday. Sydney, until now, had no idea that it actually meant something to her. She usually gets angry and rolls her eyes at the pathetic attempt. But it hurts even worse that she didn't bother to do or say anything this year and she's been afraid to admit that to herself let alone anyone else._

 _"Why did she go up there, Mommy? Can I go up there with her?" Kenny asks. "I don't know honey and no you cannot."_  
 _Tara hears this conversation and walks over. "Hey, Donna. How are you?"_  
 _Donna responds and asks the same of Tara. "I'm good. I'm a little worried about Sydney though" she says quietly after pulling her to the side. "She's been acting different since Friday and I think it might have something to do with Ashton." Donna looks up to the roof where Sydney is sitting and sighs. "Poor kid. I know that's rough. If you talk to her about it, send her my love. She has so many people around her that care about her. She doesn't need that selfish bitch." Tara nods in agreement._

 _Jax approaches them. "Donna," he nods, "how's it going?" Donna nods back. "Going good.. how's the Prince of Charming?" she jokes, knowing it'll push his buttons like it used to when they were kids. "Ha-ha" he mocks her.  
"Are the kids having fun with Sydney?" He asks. "Yes, they were" Donna says. "Were?" He asks confused. Both Donna and Tara frown. "_ _She walked off and climbed up onto the roof without saying a word" Tara finishes for Donna. Jax sighs and moves his blonde hair out of his face. "I thought something was up with her.. Ashton didn't fucking bother to call. Not even a text. I honestly didn't think she would be all that bothered by it, but I can't say that I understand how she feels."  
_ _Tara and Donna nod. "I think no matter what it's going to hurt. But she's so stubborn and self-supporting - hmm, wonder where she got that from?" Donna says while giving Jax a knowing look, "that she doesn't want to admit it."_

 _Sydney hears a noise and looks up to see Jax approaching her. She quickly looks down wipes her eyes. He sits next to her and doesn't say anything for a few minutes as they both stare out at Charming._  
 _She twiddles her thumbs and picks at her finger nail polish as a few more tears continue to fall. Jax moves her hair behind her ear so he can see her face. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks her. She doesn't respond. She leans into him and he pulls her closer and rubs her back as she finally cries it out._  
 _"I'm sorry you're hurting, Syd. I wish I could take your pain away because I really hate to see you cry" he admits. "I know you do," she says through her tears, "I'm just so ashamed that she of all people can make me feel this way" she chokes out. Jax hugs her tighter and kisses her head. "I know, baby. I want to tell you that you shouldn't let her get you down because she isn't worth it but I know that won't make it any better. I can't force your mom to care and make up for all lost time." Sydney cries harder and Jax nearly pulls her up into his lap. "But please remember how much I love you and wouldn't know what to do or where'd I even be today without you. I probably wouldn't even be alive. Plus, you have so many other people behind you. Gemma, Tara, Clay and the rest of the club love you, kid."_

Sydney makes a face at the memory because she still gets angry that her piece of shit mom can so easily get under her skin. Ashton tried to call Sydney a week after her birthday but she wouldn't take her calls, but who could blame her? She finally answered when her mom tried calling on Christmas a few times but it still doesn't makeup for how much she hurt her on her birthday.

Oh, and, not to mention, the ATF being on the club's ass. Although Sydney doesn't really know why and also has no idea it played such a large roll in Donna's shooting. All she knows is that their has been some tension within the club, especially between Jax and Clay. But, to be honest, even she knows that's the norm these days.

 _Gemma picks Sydney up from school and they head to Teller Morrow so she can do some work in the office. Sydney holds Abel while Gemma pecks away on the computer, her reading glasses perched on her nose._  
 _They hear shouting coming from inside the garage and Sydney gently places Abel back in his carrier. She peeks through the blinds and sees Tig trying to get between her grandfather and her dad. Clay and Jax are nose to nose screaming at each other. "YOU'VE BEEN DISTRACTED AND NOT 100%. WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE OUR FUCKING VP TO PUSSY. IT'S TIME YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN ASS" Clay shouts at Jax which results in him letting out a mocking laugh. "ME? YOU REALLY THINK THAT I AM NOT 100% COMMITTED TO THIS CLUB? I HAVE STOOD BEHIND THIS CLUB AND ITS MEMBERS SINCE I WAS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. IT'S ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN. DON'T BRING TARA INTO THIS. I HAVE A BABY AND A TEENAGER WHO ALSO NEED ME. I AM HERE FOR YOU GUYS AND HAVEN'T LET YOU DOWN. JUST BECAUSE I SEEM A LITTLE OFF DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO FUCKING FLAKE OUT!" Jax yells back._

 _Gemma takes Sydney's hand away from the blinds so she can no longer watch the two most important men in her life scream in each other's faces. Just then Abel starts crying and now Gemma is pissed. She takes Abel into her arms and rocks him in hopes of soothing him. "It's okay, Abel. Don't cry" she commands while hushing him. Just then Juice enters the office to grab some paperwork. "Perfect. Here, baby. Hold Abel for me" she says as she hands Abel to Juice. Sydney stays silent. Gemma enters the garage just as they start throwing punches. "HEY, KNOCK IT OFF!" She yells. Clay, Jax, and Tig look at her. "You're making Abel cry and scaring Sydney. Take it elsewhere or **I'll** beat both your fucking asses."_

 _Jax walks past his mother and into the office while Clay yells "this isn't over!" and gets a "fuck you" in response. Juice hands Abel to Jax and he takes him. "Thanks, man." Juice nods and leaves the little family alone. "I love you, Abel" he says kissing his son. "And I love you, Sydney. And I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were in here" he admits._  
 _A little shaken, Sydney manages a weak smile. "I love you too."_  
 _"Sydney? Can you come out here for a second?" Gemma asks. Jax kisses Sydney's cheek before she gets up to see what her grandmother wants. "I think your grandfather owes you an apology."_  
 _Clay holds out his arms and Sydney walks into them. He caresses her soft hair. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Angel. I love you" he says sincerely. "I love you too, Papa" she hugs him tighter._

Despite all these things that have happened over the past few months, none compare to what happened to Donna tonight. Everything else seems like nothing. Sydney worries about everyone's safety and nearly goes insane waiting for news about Donna. She finally falls asleep but is awoken by Jax around 1AM. "I'm sorry to wake you, babe.. but I need to talk to you and it's important." Sydney freezes and her breath hitches in her throat, preparing herself for whatever he is about to say...

* * *

Thank you for reviewing already, that really makes me happy! I kept adding onto this chapter each time I reread what I had already written and I hope it doesn't sound all jumbled up. The italics are flashbacks just in case anyone gets confused.


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